The World That's Coming

March 30

It’s always a good sign, he lies, when your week starts with a bout of early morning insomnia. I woke up around 4:30 and couldn’t go back to sleep, so ended up reading British news reports about the election over there. I’m not quite sure when I became a politics wonk — I wasn’t like this about politics while I lived in the UK, although I took an interest. Part of me wonders if it’s something I’ve become fascinated by because I have easier access to the information now, thanks to the Internet and everyone having opinions/ideas that it’s so easy to scan through and feel well informed, even though the very opposite might be the case.

Occasionally, I wonder whether the Internet has made it easier to fake interest and knowledge in subjects, instead of actually making it easier to be educated/educate. Sure, there’s enough information out there to actually be able to learn things for real, but it’s far easier to… kind of learn things, and then let that information flow out of your mind minutes after you’re finished with it. (Spoilers: I might be describing my working practices.) As a result, I feel both more interested and aware in the world around me, and yet perpetually worried that I know less about anything and everything than I did years ago, when I actually had to work at things.

March 30, 2015 Uncategorized

March 29

In the end, I was at the convention long enough; that’s not true in the sense that I didn’t get to see everyone that I’d hoped to run into, but is true in the sense of my being ready to leave when I did. Unless I’m working a show, there’s a weird limit to how long I can be there without thinking, yup, I’m done. I can’t explain it, but I was fascinated to talk to another comics journalist yesterday and have him say the essentially the same thing: that if he wasn’t working, he would only stick around for a handful of hours to say hello to friends and then bail. The bloom is off the rose, it seems.

March 29, 2015 Uncategorized

March 28

I’m on a bus with dodgy wifi, en route to Seattle for Emerald City Comicon. I used to spend a lot of time on buses when I was younger, taking 4+ hour rides between home and college and dreading it, always. Either it’s age or an increasing love of not doing anything but reading, but this journey by contrast has been almost pleasant, and entirely relaxing — a good sign, considering it’s almost guaranteed that the show itself will be anything but.

March 28, 2015 Uncategorized

March 26

There’s a point in almost every week where things go from Oh, I’m doing okay, keeping on top of my deadlines to Why do I feel behind the curve all of a sudden?. That part is almost certainly Wednesday, and I’m never sure why that’s the case. Take this week, for example; I was ahead of deadlines all the way up to yesterday, and yesterday I was mightily productive, but suddenly this morning I feel as if I’m playing catch-up for no immediately apparent reason.

Is it merely a state of mind, independent of anything else, or an early warning system for something terrible coming down the pike that I can’t quite see yet? I have no idea. Normally, it’s merely a mental reminder that my end of weeks are unusually packed (Podcast recording essentially means I’m working a half-day on other things each Thursday, and then Friday means a lot of deadlines for both THR and Wired, no matter what), but it’s an exhausting and unnecessary part of the week nonetheless. What does it take to know what’s coming and be okay with it, I wonder…?

March 26, 2015 Uncategorized

March 25

There was a point, before the clocks changed, where I’d wake up and the beginnings of daylight would be visible in the sky. In the last couple of weeks, that’s been gone, replaced by the deep blue of pre-dawn in a way that’s felt particularly cruel and cold (in the literal sense; for some reason, I’ve felt it more chilly these mornings, despite what the thermometer says). It feels lonelier too, in a way that waking up and working in the winter didn’t; the sense of it happening while the rest of the world — or, at least, the rest of the city — is still asleep.

All of this melancholy is new, and surprising; it’s not constant, and I often feel the way that used to be my norm, that it’s exciting to be up and working while everyone else is sleeping, but nonetheless. Perhaps it’s age or perhaps something else, but whatever the reason, I find myself eagerly awaiting the light every morning now, almost willing summer to get here sooner so that I can wake up to it.

March 25, 2015 Uncategorized

March 24

It’s going to be one of those days when my attentions are always elsewhere, I can tell; I’ve been up and working for an hour, but not finishing anything, merely starting and extending existing projects, jumping from one to another with something approaching anxiety about not doing enough, or not finishing everything or or or.

It won’t last, of course; today, as with everyday, things have to be finished and published and the dreaded deadline doom rules all. But in the morning, there’s always this strange, wonderful space where I can be unfinished and messy and slowly come to, each day. Where being distracted is more a curiosity than an irritation, and I don’t have the immediate, constant feeling that I should have published something ten minutes ago throughout the entire day.

March 24, 2015 Uncategorized

March 23

Sunday was lost to doing taxes, or at least that’s what it felt like — we started doing them after breakfast, and aside from a break for lunch, finished them around 6:30 in the evening. It’s not that our taxes are extremely complicated, but with two freelancers and everything else that’s involved in our lives every year, it all takes awhile to get everything down properly. It’s the same every year; we think that we’re prepared, but before too long, we’re both looking at our screens and at our paperwork with a sense of what is actually going on? and wondering whether there’s some easier way to do everything that we’d somehow missed (Spoilers: There’s not.)

By the time the evening rolled around, there really was a sense of the day having gone missing, somehow. Twilight was coming! Where did the day go? Why do I have this stress headache? Where has all our money gone? Truly, tax day is the best day of the year, he lied.

March 23, 2015 Uncategorized

March 22

Unlike weekdays, when I wake up and immediately work, my weekend mornings are far more relaxed; I check the Internet, read some and slowly come to terms with the notion that there’s a day ahead. It’s a special time that I’ve come to appreciate deeply, something that’s just mine, in a way that just doesn’t happen during the rest of the week. That’s either a sign that I should carve out more time for myself during the week, or sleep in later on weekends.

March 22, 2015 Uncategorized

March 21

For all that we decided that no-one would ever need math after school, we never foresaw the new world of website logins which ask simple math questions to check that you’re not, say, some kind of spamming, hacking bot looking to cause trouble. Just to log in here each day, I find myself humiliated by the fact that I inevitably have to second-guess myself when faced with something as easy as 8×4=? or, worse, 7x?=42.

It’s not that I don’t know the answers, or get them wrong; it’s that I don’t get them right immediately, without any thought. Clearly, I should have paid more attention at school.

March 21, 2015 Uncategorized

March 20

An overwhelming day, where everything took too long, and everything felt like it was hidden behind at least one roadblock of one kind of another. I look back at this week with this dazed sense of “What happened?” It’s as if huge chunks of time are missing, and yet here we are, at the end of the week and exhausted. How did this week even happen?

March 20, 2015 Uncategorized