I Hope, If Nothing More

Occasionally, I think about how unlikely my life has been; about the fact that my job — writing about pop culture, but especially nerd culture, for the internet — didn’t really exist even when I moved to the United States two decades ago — and about the fact that I did move to the United States two decades ago. For that matter, thinking about the fact that, somehow, I ended up working, if not in then at least tangentally connected to the industry that I always wanted to as a kid. How did all of that happen?

When I ask that question, I tend to answer it by thinking that it all started when I went to art school, lo those many decades ago. I’ve said multiple times that the most valuable thing about that whole experience, all five years of it (there was a Masters degree in there, too; if we’re adding in the time I spent teaching at the school as well, we’re up to seven years), wasn’t the official lessons, such as they were, because those were ultimately meaningless in the grand scheme of things — I studied graphic design just as digital tools were being introduced, so the majority of the practices I was taught were no longer industry standard by the time I graduated.

Instead, what I came away with of value was the fact that I had five years of just… possibility. Of being around people not only being creative in their own practices, but encouraging others to be the same way; of being tasked with doing new things on a regular basis, even if I was neither good at, or fond of, the majority of them; of having a feeling that I could try new things and fail at them, and that was part of the process as opposed to a bad thing. Looking back at it now, I see the whole thing as an extended lesson in the “Yes, And” theory of improvisation; a chance to just be comfortably uncomfortable for an extended period of time.

All of this was brought to mind the other week, reading Peter Capaldi talk about how the opportunity for poor people to have this experience has basically disappeared because of government cuts in the UK, and realizing how lucky I was to be born when I was, how lucky I was to have that chance. My life has been impossibly fortunate, when I stop and think about it. It’s good to appreciate that, every now and then.

The Movies of January 2024

I’m not entirely sure why I started using Letterboxd at the end of last year; I think it was because more and more people I know were using it and sharing their posts, and also because I liked keeping track of my comic reading in 2023. And so: here are the movies I watched in January. Or, really, the ones I remembered to keep track of — I’m pretty sure there are other ones I just didn’t put in the app because I didn’t have a device to hand at the time, but I guess they’re better off forgotten.

Anyway: the worst of the month was easily Species, an objectively shitty movie that both hasn’t gotten any better with age and is far worse than Lifeforce, a British movie it kind of rips off more than a little in its high concept. Best of the month was probably Guys and Dolls, a favorite that I rewatched on a Saturday night when it felt like an important thing to do. (I was right.) Of the movies I hadn’t seen before during the month, I think Pina is the one I’m going to be thinking about the most — a weird, self-indulgent documentary that’s mostly extended dance performances that are genuinely beautiful.

Meanwhile: 20 movies in the one month? Considering all the TV I watched that same month — thanks, Real Housewives of Salt Lake City — it feels pretty good, in a “I guess I watch a lot of stuff, huh?” kind of way.

Species, though; that was a mistake.

The Comics of January 2024

And so we return and begin again. It’s a new year, and that means… well, I’m reading comics as much as ever, it seems. Of particular note from this past month’s haul have been my mass reading of Hickman-era X-Men, a return to old Superman comics, and my last-minute rediscovery of the joys of Dial H for Hero — the 2019 series that is very much a remix of superhero iconography and DC history, but also the earlier versions, too. Sockamagee, indeed.

  1. Cosmic Odyssey #1
  2. The Immortal Thor #2
  3. The Invincible Iron Man (2022) #10
  4. The Avengers (2023) #5
  5. Ultimate Invasion #4
  6. The Bogie Man: The Manhattan Project
  7. A-Next (1998) #s 1-3
  8. A-Next (1998) #s 4-6
  9. Cosmic Odyssey #s 2-4
  10. The Demon (1986) #s 1-4
  11. Action Comics #1061
  12. A-Next (1998) #s 7-12
  13. X-Men: Red (2018) #s 1-6
  14. X-Men: Red (2018) #s 7-11
  15. Dark Ages #s 4-6
  16. Batman and Robin Annual 2024 #1
  17. DC Power 2024 #1
  18. Trinity Special #1
  19. Inferno (2021) #s 1-4
  20. Immortal X-Men #s 1-10
  21. Sins of Sinister #1
  22. Sins of Sinister: Dominion #1
  23. Immortal X-Men #11
  24. Immortal X-Men #s 12-15
  25. X-Men (2019) #s 1-5
  26. Immortal X-Men #16
  27. 2000 AD Progs 2364-2365
  28. Petrol Head #s 2-3
  29. X-Men (2019) #s 6-11
  30. X-Men (2019) #12
  31. Batman/Superman: World’s Finest Annual 2024 #1
  32. Giant-Sized X-Men: Jean Grey & Emma Frost #1
  33. Giant-Sized X-Men: Nightcrawler #1
  34. Giant-Sized X-Men: Magneto #1
  35. Giant-Sized X-Men: Fantomex #1
  36. Giant-Sized X-Men: Storm #1
  37. X-Men (2019) #s 16-21
  38. The Six Fingers #1
  39. The One Hand #1
  40. Moon Man #1
  41. Planet-Size X-Men #1
  42. X-Men (2021) #27
  43. X-Force (2019) #45
  44. Fantastic Four (2022) #12
  45. Superman: Lost #s 3-10
  46. Titans: Beast World #6
  47. X-Men (2021) #s 1-6
  48. X-Men (2021) #s 7-12
  49. X-Men: Hellfire Gala (2022) #1
  50. X-Men (2021) #s 13-15
  51. X-Men (2021) #s 16-21
  52. 2000 AD Prog 2366
  53. Cobra Commander #1
  54. X-Men (2021) #s 22-24
  55. X-Men: Hellfire Gala (2023) #1
  56. 2001: A Space Odyssey #1
  57. Conan the Barbarian Free Comic Book Day 2023 
  58. Batman (2016) #142
  59. X-Men (2021) #s 25-26
  60. X Lives of Wolverine #1
  61. X Deaths of Wolverine #s 1-2
  62. X Lives of Wolverine #s 2-3
  63. The Spirit Casebook Vol. 1
  64. Captain Victory & the Galactic Rangers (1982) #s 1-2
  65. Captain Victory & the Galactic Rangers (1982) #s 3-7
  66. Captain Victory & the Galactic Rangers (1982) #s 8-13
  67. Captain Victory & the Galactic Rangers Special #1
  68. X-Men/Fantastic Four #s 1-4
  69. X Deaths of Wolverine #s 3-5
  70. X Lives of Wolverine #s 4-5
  71. The Amazing Spider-Man (2022) #35
  72. Wolverine (2020) #38
  73. Guardians of The Galaxy (2023) #7
  74. Superior Spider-Man Returns #1
  75. The Avengers (2023) #6
  76. Children of the Vault #s 1-2
  77. X-Men Red (2021) #1
  78. SWORD (2020) #1-11
  79. X-Men Red (2021) #s 2-10
  80. Detective Comics #854
  81. X-Men Red (2021) #s 11-13
  82. X-Men: Before the Fall – Heralds of Apocalypse #1
  83. X-Men Red (2021) #s 14-16
  84. Cable (2020) #1
  85. Cable: Reloaded #1
  86. Powers of X #s 1-6
  87. Birds of Prey (2023) #6
  88. Fire & Ice: Welcome to Smallville #6
  89. Red Hood: The Hill #0
  90. Justice League of America (1960) #s 201-205
  91. Guardians of the Galaxy (2020) #1
  92. Inhumans Prime #1
  93. Royals #s 1-12
  94. Inhumans: Judgment Day #1
  95. Marvel Boy (2000) #s 1-6
  96. Guardians of the Galaxy (2020) #s 2-8
  97. Guardians of the Galaxy (2020) #s 9-15
  98. Batman (2016) #143
  99. Batman and Robin (2023) #6
  100. Green Lantern (2023) #8
  101. X-Men: The Trial of Magneto #1
  102. Judge Dredd: A Penitent Man (collection)
  103. 2000 AD Prog 2367
  104. Ghost Machine #1
  105. Star Trek (2022) #s 7-10
  106. Star Trek Annual 2023 #1
  107. Best of 2000 AD Free Comic Book Day 2022
  108. Flash/Green Lantern: The Brave and The Bold #1
  109. Flash/Green Lantern: The Brave and The Bold #s 2-6
  110. Avengers Inc. #2
  111. The Incredible Hulk (2023) #5
  112. The Invincible Iron Man (2022) #11
  113. Crypt of Shadows (2023) #1
  114. Children of the Vault #3
  115. Green Lantern/Flash: Faster Friends #1
  116. Helen of Wyndhorne #1
  117. Essential Rogue Trooper Vol. 1
  118. The Flash (1959) #131, 222
  119. The Flash Special (1990) #1
  120. DC Special Series #11
  121. We Only Find Them When They’re Dead #s 1-7
  122. We Only Find Them When They’re Dead #s 8-12
  123. Superman (1939) #88
  124. World’s Finest Comics #82
  125. Adventure Comics #253
  126. Sensational She-Hulk (2023) #1
  127. Batman/Superman: World’s Finest #24
  128. Titans (2023) #8
  129. Green Lantern: War Journal #6
  130. Action Comics #1062
  131. Batman (2016) #144
  132. We Only Find Them When They’re Dead #s 13-15
  133. World’s Finest Comics #71
  134. Aquaman: Through Fire and Water #1
  135. World’s Finest Comics #s 72-74
  136. Superman (1939) #s 1-2
  137. Duke #2
  138. Superman (1939) #65
  139. Superman (2023) #11
  140. Wonder Woman (2023) #6
  141. Nightwing (2016) #111
  142. Action Comics (1938) #s 544-546
  143. Action Comics (1938) #s 539-541
  144. Superman Special (1983) #1
  145. Action Comics (1938) #s 551-554
  146. Superman Special (1983) #2
  147. Action Comics Weekly #601
  148. Blackhawk (1988) #1
  149. Blackhawk (1944) #258
  150. Our Army at War #83
  151. Star-Spangled War Stories #87
  152. Action Comics (1938) #309
  153. Infinity Inc. (1984) #19
  154. Action Comics (1938) #484
  155. Infinity Inc. (1984) #1
  156. Immortal Thor #3
  157. Captain America (2023) #2
  158. The Amazing Spider-Man (2022) #36
  159. Alpha Flight (2023) #3
  160. Infinity Inc. (1984) #2
  161. Action Comics (1938) #252
  162. Detective Comics (1937) #567
  163. Action Comics (1938) #285
  164. Detective Comics (1937) #327
  165. Batman: Death and the Maidens #s 1-9
  166. Detective Comics (1937) #225
  167. Action Comics (1938) #241
  168. Uncanny Avengers (2023) #3
  169. Green Lantern (1960) #188
  170. Green Lantern (1960) #s 189-191
  171. Green Lantern (1960) # 192
  172. Dial H for Hero (2019) #s 1-3
  173. H-E-R-O #s 1-2
  174. Dial H #1
  175. New Adventures of Superboy #s 28-30 (Dial H for Hero stories)

The Destination is the Destination

Reading smart commentary about social media the other day left me thinking about the different ways in which I interact with the internet now, compared with when I first started using it way back when; specifically, the fact that — for all intents and purposes — I essentially live online now, and the way I interacted with it back then.

I mean, I actually try to draw lines that prevent me spending too much time actively online, a lesson learned the hard way; after work each day, I try to leave my phone/laptop/iPad alone until just before bed, and even then, that’s just me using whatever app to do some reading before I sleep. (And, if I’m brave, checking email to see that there’s nothing disastrous waiting for me in the morning.) But still; I work online, I interact with friends and family online, so much of my life is spent on the internet. It’s there for… everything. When you factor in the fact that my TV is powered by online streaming services instead of, you know, “traditional” television — something I’ve started to think of as being “passively” online — then it starts to feel omnipresent in a somewhat unsettling manner.

I still have the very strong sense memory of the internet being a limited resource, way back in the dial-up days: that you would “log on” for whatever purpose, and then get off the computer once that purpose was over — even if that purpose was (as was the case for me) looking up long screeds written by old fanboys about the history of the Legion of Super-Heroes, or Jack Kirby’s Fourth World, or whatever. The sound of the dial-up, the feeling of needing to get on and off the internet in as little time as possible because, hell, someone might need to use the phone.

There’s something about that that I miss, now; the idea of the internet as a destination, perhaps, something you actively choose to do, a place to visit but not somewhere that is ever-present all around us. We used to call the internet things like “the world wide web” and “the information superhighway,” both of which suggested these tangible, physical locations or entities, and there was something about that that made it seem like these were places you could “go,” as opposed to some state that we permanently exist in and have to report in to regularly.

Remember an internet we didn’t live in? I miss that.

Happy To See You Again

I read something over the holidays that said, basically, “what have we done wrong that we push all of this joy and time off into a week-long period in late December, leaving us at the mercy of the subsequent darkest, coldest month of the year without any kind of break or relief?” It was something that, immediately upon reading it, I thought, oh, someone else gets it.

January is a struggle every year. That’s always been the case for me, even stretching back to when I was a kid. It’s not that I have Seasonal Affective Disorder — or, if I do, not to any great degree, at least — because it’s not as if the dark days and early evenings feel like a burden as such either in the past or right now. (My heart goes out to those who can’t say the same, though.)

Instead, it’s the fact that January every single year just stretches on, never-ending and with only the repetition of the weekday to offer. It’s a month when you have the holiday highs to come down from, whether it’s the color and the lights, the music and jollity, the time off and social aspects, or whatever, and there’s literally nothing to replace it other than everyday life, a return to the work week, and… I don’t know, shitty weather, I guess?

It feels especially notable for me this year, because I had to use all the time-off I’d accrued from work in December, meaning that I had a glorious month of three-day work weeks. Now, that’s almost doubled thanks to normality reasserting itself. I find myself tired and out of practice at… well, doing the base level, ashamedly.

We should all agree that January needs a break around this point in the month: a new holiday just to catch our breath and take a minute. Might I suggest the establishment of Phew You Made It Day?

Get Up Get Up Get Up

I am curiously protective of my sleep cycle, I think to myself occasionally, although it strikes me that perhaps two different ends of that sentence are wrong.

What I actually mean is that I find myself particularly thrown off when I don’t keep to the traditional rhythms of sleep that I’ve built across the past few years: in bed somewhere between 10 and 11, asleep somewhere around 11, and waking up somewhere between 5 and 6. Sure, there are occasional mild variations to that — sometimes I’ll be tired and asleep earlier, there are times I wake up closer to 4:30 or 6:30, depending — but, for the most part, that’s how I sleep. It’s what works for me.

Somehow, this past month has broken that a little. I’m not entirely sure how, or why. I’ve been sleeping later multiple times, sleeping late, even, on a couple of occasions. (By which I mean, I have to get up around 7 in order to eat and take care of the animals before work; a couple times, I’ve woken up closer to 7:30, panicked.) And then, there was the odd night of insomnia.

I use the term insomnia too easily; it’s my go-to if I just have a bad night of sleep, as in, “I woke up at 1 and couldn’t sleep for 30 minutes, it was just insomnia.” I know it’s not really the case, but I love a bit of shorthand. What happened at the start of the month, though, felt like actual insomnia, summoned Beetlejuice-style by accident: a night where I just… couldn’t fall asleep.

My mind wasn’t racing, or filled with intrusive or looping thoughts; I was, if anything, very calm and clear-headed. My body was heavy with actual exhaustion, and I felt “sleepy,” as it usually goes… but I just laid there, unable to actually sleep, until almost 5am. I have no idea what happened, but I’m in no rush to go through anything like that again.

The experience has stuck with me ever since, unnerving me. It’s as if it was foreshadowing something that I can’t see waiting just around the corner: What if I’m just going to have a year of not sleeping? What if 2024 is going to be a year of it feeling like 3:15 in the morning, all the time? What then?

The Old Gods Died

I am the audience for superhero comics; I am not a frustrated creator of them. Oh, maybe I was at some point decades earlier; I think it’s a generally recognized fact that a significant portion of the fan base of superhero comics are wannabe creators of them, and I was almost certainly someone who dreamed about that possibility when I was in high school, because of course I was. As I got older, though, that ambition faded and fell apart through a combination of knowing I wasn’t good enough and wanting to do other things anyway. I was happy enough to just enjoy reading them.

With the exception of Jack Kirby’s Fourth World.

I don’t mean that I don’t enjoy reading those characters; I do, very much — they’re likely my favorite collective of concepts and characters in mainstream superhero comics. Instead, it’s that when I do revisit those original Kirby books, as I tend to annually, I always end up thinking, Well, if you were going to do it today, you should do this… for whatever reason.

It’s never in the form of a plot idea, or anything I could ever pitch (not that I would), but odd background ideas and restaging things. It’s Kirby’s own fault: his Fourth World books were not only timeless, they were timely, with hippies and draft dodgers and commentary on media and society and the nature of war, and the nature of aging, even, and my head just… goes places. I can’t help it.

(Serifan is trans-masc; Darkseid’s primary weapon is Glorious Godfrey, who uses Kalibak as an example of masculinity that isn’t “allowed” by the left in an attempt to sow discord; the Forever People has a fandom of “stans” and “simps” that they don’t know what to do with because of their own attitudes towards equality; there needs to be more done with Apokolips conquering death and using technology as a cure to everything, and how that affects the Hunger Dogs, and so on.)

I’ll never do anything with any of these ideas, aside from forget them. Nonetheless, it’s fun to have them, and feels like a tribute to Kirby’s impossibly huge creativity — that he was so plugged into things that even I can be affected by it in such a way, almost 60 years later.

What’s The Plan, Baby? Obliteration

I should have done this earlier in the month, but… I didn’t. Such is life. Anyway: here’s the tail end of my 2023 playlist, which I’ve earlier shared in a couple of posts last year in 50-song increments. The final 32 songs are here, added towards the end of the year. (The screenshots were taken in the closing days of the year, so the “1 week ago” added date for the last couple songs is really the end of December.)

The rule for the playlist was basically either that it was a new song that I’d just discovered, or one I already knew that I’d recently become obsessed with for some reason. The other rule was simple enough: one song per act. (I fudged that at least once, but shhh we won’t talk about that.) Two songs ended up being deleted off earlier posts: one of them because I got bored of it, another because I added an entirely different song by the same musician. Spot the difference!

You can find the actual playlist on Spotify here if the link works. And, yes, I’m already doing the same thing for 2024, because of course I am.