“A week or so,” I said I’d return in; that turned out to be optimistic at best, if not downright foolhardy. April proved to be an overwhelmingly busy month for a number of reasons (and is continuing to be, right up until its final day), and even on days when I had time to write here, I’m not sure I would have written more than simply “I’m so tired, I’m so, so tired” over and over again.
When I started writing here daily, I had visions of doing so every day for a year, some kind of grand plan that would also let me write for myself again, even if it were simply pointless meanderings of little worth. I started 2015 feeling as if I was risking becoming an automaton in terms of output; that the pressures of work meant that I had nothing left to give in terms of brainspace for anything else, and I needed something that was my own. (Wait What? is that to some degree, and I love it very much for that as well as for the chance to talk to Jeff on an almost weekly basis.) Hence, writing here.
And yet, the first three months kind of proved to me that I did have little left to give in terms of brainspace, for the most part; I was writing the random, stream-of-consciousness material that I’d hoped for, but it was emptier than I would have liked, and I think the hope that I’d… I don’t know, sharpen mental muscles as I went along or something, didn’t happen. When I was done, I was done; it was clear to see.
None of this should be construed as real complaints, as much as disappointment in myself and the result of a slow realization that I need to recognize my limits better (and, maybe, factor in some more downtime for myself. We’ll see if that latter one happens anytime soon, though). Will I be doing daily posts here again…? I’m unsure, to be honest; I’ll try to do them when I feel like I can do them, and they feel like something I have time and brainspace for, instead of a promise I made to myself than I have a responsibility to fulfill, if that makes sense. So, if anyone’s reading, hello again.