Ego, it strikes me, is wishing that the internet would realize when you haven’t had any new stories on a website for a couple days. Such a thing may be a good enough reason for taking stock and coming up with a new plan of attack, when I stop to think about it, but I’m still at that tender stage where prodding that particular bruise too much makes me wince and want to change the subject. The irony of this is that all of it happened at a point where I was thinking long term, and career-building and brand-building and all of those kinds of things, only for thinking and plans to be simultaneously derailed by the same event, leaving me sitting on the ground going “wha’ hoppen?” like a cowboy sitting, legs apart, amidst the wreckage of some exploded caravan as the result of some heist or another.
…I suspect that my analogy got away from me a little, there.
Nonetheless, I see things like this and feel a little inspired, a little nervous; David’s a friend, but also a true talent in terms of writing and thinking that I find myself in constant awe/anticipation of, and I find myself jealous of his sureness in saying things like “I’m good at one thing and straight at several others,” because it’s that surety in myself and my talents that I’m lacking right now, frustratingly enough. “The only thing stopping me is me” he also writes, and I recognize the truth in that, and I try to fight that battle by reminding myself that, if I could’ve gotten this far, it’s not impossible to keep going no matter what setbacks lie ahead. We’ll see if I start to believe that anytime soon, though.