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How Animal Man Changed My Life

I remember, as odd as this is, a point where I was noticing the names of the writers and artists of my favorite comics, but hadn’t quite gotten my head around it all just yet. Paying attention to names started, I think when I really got into the X-Men — a point when I was… maybe 10 or 11 years old, and had decided with the confidence and certainly that you feel at that age that I was collecting comics now, this was a thing I did — and it seemed like a sign of my newfound focus on comics as a thing that I was into. Yet, years later, all of these people whose names I recognized month in, month out (or week in, week out when it came to the British comics) seemed… unearthly. Unreal, somehow. They weren’t real, they were unattainable. They were as fictional to me as Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne themselves.

At some point, in what was apparently early 1988 from looking back at publication dates — I would’ve been 13 at the time — DC house ads started appearing, advertising the upcoming launch of Animal Man, written by Grant Morrison. I knew who Grant Morrison was, having enjoyed his Zenith in the pages of 2000 AD for awhile, but the concept of the same man managing to write both British and American comics broke my brain entirely. That, I decided in my unformed brain, was surely impossible. Far more likely, I deducted, was that there were two entirely separate men both called Grant Morrison who both wrote comics. What an unlikely coincidence, I told myself!

I can’t remember how long I held this impossibly dumb idea in my head; certainly, by the time Animal Man was actually coming out, I’d realized the error of my ways. (There was probably something in an early issue emphasizing that it was, in fact, the same man.) The dscovery that someone from Britain — from Scotland, not that far from where I lived, even! — could write for American comics was something that, in its own way, changed the way I saw the world. Somehow, everything seemed a little bigger, a little more possible. If you could come from where I did and do that, what else could you do, I asked myself?

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Hypnotized by the Whirl

There’s a joke, it seems, about the first good weather in Portland after the winter; that it makes everyone in the city overreact, and respond as if they’ve never seen sun before. It’s a recurring bit because it’s true; this year, the first sunny day in weeks if not months — which was also accompanied by some genuine warmth, unusually but welcomely — was greeted by anecdotal reports of parents taking their kids out of school to enjoy it, of people taking time off work to escape to the countryside to take advantage of it, and firsthand experience of people walking past the house in t-shirts and grins, acting as if they’ve somehow escaped true horror and entered a utopia entirely unexpectedly.

I’m one to talk, though; I finished work and walked to the local park, determined to both clear my head of the static of the workday and take advantage of the good weather while it was around,. What I found there was thrilling in ways that I should have expected, but didn’t — the entire place, filled with the cast of characters I hadn’t seen there in months, every single one of us ready and eager to return to a warmer norm where we play our pre-determined roles with enthusiasm and, dare I say, gusto.

There were the dog walkers, with barely-constrained pups thrilled to see each other and be in the same space again; there were the stoners, and the goths, and the skaters, all assembling and quietly conferring amongst their own groups and suspiciously looking at everyone else. There were the dancers, those exuberant and confusing folk who just have to move even though there’s no music to hear, and then there were their opposites, the people who just sit silently and look at the ducks in the pond. There were the joggers, with a number looking dangerously red-faced, and the tree worshippers, and the people who might be having a picnic but there’s no food and so it’s unclear what they’re actually doing…

I’m part of my own group, of course; I’m a walker — one of those people who just like moving through the park at our own rate, watching everything, seemingly restless and purposeless. I do it alone, usually, listening to music and decompressing mentally. It’s a simple pleasure, but a sincere one, and I know I’m just as much a cliche and subsect as anyone else there. That was perhaps what made that particular walk such a joy: the feeling of fitting back into an eco-system I hadn’t even thought about in so long, and of belonging, once again.

More than the weather, that was what made the walk so special. The sense of once again rejoining a larger world outside my front door.

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The End of An Era, Again

An unexpected result of the death of Gus is that, for the first time in a quarter century, my ex-wife and I have no reason to be in each others’ lives. It’s a simple fact that I’m sure both of us had considered at some point in the past few years since our divorce with differing levels of… excitement? Eagerness? Regret? Some combination of all three, and countless other emotions all tied into a bundle with twigs and twine? (I know that I was certainly aware it was going to happen, and it seems impossible she wasn’t, given who she is.) Nonetheless, now that the moment has actually arrived, it feels curiously anti-climactic.

There was almost no way it couldn’t, of course; we’d split six years earlier (six and a half, almost), and had worked through the emotions and motions of that separation in the years since — we went from anger and recrimination to something approaching amiable friendship, in large part because we were sharing custody of the dogs (and then, after Ernie died, of just the dog, singular. as if that had always been the case). All of the heavy lifting of what it meant to not be in each others’ lives was done at a time when we were, still, in each others’ lives but to a severely diminished extent; it was easier, that way, and felt kinder in some manner as well. We got to get over being mad of each other, scared of each other.

But now, we’re actually properly out of each others’ lives, after 25 years; half my life, and more than half of her’s. It’s a strange thought, that I probably will never hear from her or see her ever again, after everything we shared and once meant to each other, and a sad one, too, despite everything. It feels as if it’s something I’ll have to get used to, just as I get used to never seeing Gus again. A shift in the world that I’ll have to stumble around until I find my footing again.

When we said our final goodbyes, I walked away and almost felt as if I should look back, to see if she was doing the same. It felt silly, self-conscious and I didn’t do it; thinking back now, I wish I had, for reasons I can’t even start to understand or explain.

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The Movies of February 2025

If the flu didn’t knock off my comic reading (as I said on Monday), it entirely knocked off my movie-watching; I spent two weeks essentially quarantined and mostly in bed, and my concentration just wasn’t up to anything over an hour, and often not even that. What that meant was that I watched far fewer movies than usual, although I more than made up for it in mainlining old TV shows. (Hi, Line of Duty.)

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The Comics of February 2025

Despite the flu knocking me for a loop for half the month, I actually kept up pretty reasonably with my reading in February — and, curiously, spent a lot of time revisiting the Marvel Comics of my youth. (Spoilers: they’re pretty good, in retrospect. I might be overly swayed by nostalgia, however.) Anyway, here’s what I got up to reading comic-wise last month:

  1. Fantastic Four (1961) #36
  2. Journey Into Mystery (1952) #113
  3. Justice League Unlimited (2024) #4
  4. Metamorpho, The Element Man (2024) #3
  5. Green Lantern (2023) #20
  6. Fantastic Four (1961) #37
  7. Journey Into Mystery (1952) #114
  8. Uncanny X-Men (1963) #266-267
  9. Mister Miracle (1971) #s 3-4
  10. New Gods (1971) #3
  11. Fantastic Four (1961) #38
  12. Journey Into Mystery (1952) #115
  13. Justice League Unlimited (2024) #s 1-3
  14. Batman and Robin (2023) #18
  15. Wonder Woman (2023) #18
  16. The Flash (2023) #18
  17. Detective Comics #s 1090-1093
  18. Fantastic Four (1961) #39
  19. Journey Into Mystery (1952) #116
  20. Avengers (2023) #23
  21. Star Wars: A New Legacy #1
  22. Star Wars: Legacy of Vader #1
  23. The Ultimates (2023) #9
  24. West Coast Avengers (2023) #3
  25. Phoenix (2024) #8
  26. Power Man: Timeless #1
  27. The Spectacular Spider-Men #12
  28. Wolverine (2024) #6
  29. Fantastic Four (1961) #40
  30. Journey Into Mystery (1952) #117
  31. Uncanny X-Men (1961) #s 268-269
  32. Transformers (2023) #16
  33. GI Joe (2024) #3
  34. Fantastic Four (1961) #41
  35. Journey Into Mystery (1952) #118
  36. Uncanny X-Men (1961) #s 270-275
  37. Detective Comics #1094
  38. Superman (2023) #23
  39. Black Canary: The Best of the Best #4
  40. Fantastic Four (1961) #42
  41. Journey Into Mystery (1952) #119
  42. Legion of Super-Heroes (1980) #283-284
  43. Astonishing X-Men Infinity Comic #9
  44. Astonishing Avengers Infinity Comic #s 3-4
  45. Astonishing Spider-Man Infinity Comic #15
  46. Fantastic Four (1961) #43
  47. Fantastic Four Annual (1963) #s 1-2
  48. Fantastic Four Anniversary Tribute #1
  49. Captain America (1968) #s 196-197
  50. Journey Into Mystery (1952) #120
  51. Uncanny X-Men (1963) #s 276-277
  52. Absolute Superman #s 3-4
  53. Captain America (1968) #198
  54. Fantastic Four Annual (1963) #3
  55. Captain America (1968) #s 199-200
  56. Fantastic Four (1961) #44
  57. Journey Into Mystery (1952) #121
  58. Incredible Hulk Annual (1976) #s 11-12
  59. The Defenders (1972) #s 1-2
  60. X-Factor (1986) #s 65-68
  61. Uncanny X-Men (1963) #s 278-280
  62. X-Factor (1986) #69
  63. Excalibur (1987) #s 4-11
  64. Star Wars: Darth Vader (2020) #s 33-34
  65. The Transformers (1984) #1
  66. G.I. Joe (1982) #s 71-72
  67. The Knights of Pendragon (1990) #s 9-18
  68. The Knights of Pendragon (1992) #s 1-4
  69. Overkill (1992) #4 (Knights of Pendragon story only)
  70. The Incredible Hulk (1962) #s 331-334
  71. Judge Dredd: End of Days
  72. Captain America (1968) #201
  73. Fantastic Four (1961) #45
  74. Journey Into Mystery (1952) #122
  75. Captain America: Symbol of Truth – Homeland Infinity Comic #1
  76. Avengers (1963) #s 229-230
  77. The Incredible Hulk (1962) #335
  78. G.I. Joe (1982) #s 73-76
  79. The Incredible Hulk (1962) #s 336-338
  80. Lazarus #s 1-4
  81. Lazarus: Family Prelude
  82. Lazarus #s 5-9
  83. Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #1
  84. All-New Venom #3
  85. The Amazing Spider-Man (2022) #67
  86. Deadpool Team-Up #5
  87. The Immortal Thor #20
  88. One World Under Doom #1
  89. Sam Wilson: Captain America (2025) #2
  90. X-Men (2024) #11
  91. Cable: Love & Chrome #2
  92. Magik (2025) #2
  93. Lazarus #s 10-15
  94. Daredevil (1998) #s 82-83
  95. Fantastic Four (1961) #46
  96. The Incredible Hulk (1962) #339
  97. Lazarus #s 16-26
  98. Lazarus: X +66 #s 1-6
  99. Journey Into Mystery (1952) #123
  100. Avengers (1963) #s 231-233
  101. Iron Man (1968) #s 167-171
  102. Lazarus: Risen #1
  103. Iron Man (1968) #s 172-175
  104. The Incredible Hulk (1962) #s 340-342
  105. Lazarus: Risen #s 2-3
  106. Aliens vs. Avengers #s 1-2
  107. Lazarus: Risen #s 5-7
  108. Lazarus #s 27-28
  109. Iron Man (1968) #s 176-178
  110. Iron Man Annual (1976) #6
  111. Fantastic Four (1961) #47
  112. Journey Into Mystery (1952) #124
  113. The Incredible Hulk (1962) #s 343-346
  114. Justice League: The Atom Project #3
  115. JSA (2024) #5
  116. Fantastic Four (1961) #48
  117. The Nice House By The Sea #s 1-5
  118. Journey Into Mystery (1952) #125
  119. Iron Man (1968) #s 179-180
  120. Avengers (1963) #234
  121. Doctor Strange (1974) #60
  122. Iron Man (1968) #s 181-183
  123. Action Comics #s 1082-1083
  124. Fantastic Four (1961) #49
  125. The Mighty Thor (1966) #126
  126. The Incredible Hulk (1962) #347
  127. Iron Man (1968) #184
  128. The Nice House By The Sea #6
  129. Secret Six (2025) #1
  130. Fantastic Four (1961) #50
  131. The Mighty Thor (1966) #127
  132. Fantastic Four (1961) #51
  133. The Mighty Thor (1966) #128
  134. Iron Man (1968) #185
  135. Milestone Returns #0
  136. Icon vs. Hardware #s 1-5
  137. Milestone Universe: Shadow Cabinet #s 1-4
  138. Icon (1993) #s 1-6
  139. Hardware (1993) #s 1-2
  140. Dick Tracy (2024) #1
  141. Assorted Crisis Events #1
  142. I Was A Fashion School Serial Killer #1
  143. Fantastic Four (1961) #52
  144. The Mighty Thor (1966) #129
  145. Iron Man (1968) #186
  146. Astonishing X-Men Infinity Comic #s 11-12
  147. The Incredible Hulk (1962) #s 348-349
  148. Web of Spider-Man (1985) #44
  149. Dick Tracy (2024) #s 2-5
  150. Fantastic Four (1961) #53
  151. The Mighty Thor (1966) #130
  152. Astonishing Spider-Man Infinity Comic #16
  153. G.I. Joe (1982) #s 77-78
  154. Judge Dredd: A Better World 
  155. The Incredible Hulk (1962) #350
  156. Avengers Annual (1967) #17
  157. Marvel Premiere (1972) #49
  158. The Falcon (1983) #s 1-4
  159. Solo Avengers (1987) #6
  160. The Incredible Hulk (2023) #22
  161. Aliens vs. Avengers #3
  162. The Amazing Spider-Man (2022) #68
  163. Daredevil (2023) #18
  164. Exceptional X-Men #6
  165. Storm (2024) #5
  166. Thunderbolts: Doomstrike #1
  167. Uncanny X-Men (2024) #10
  168. Weapon X-Men #1
  169. X-Factor (2024) #7
  170. X-Force (2024) #8
  171. Fantastic Four (1961) #54
  172. The Mighty Thor (1966) #131
  173. Astonishing Spider-Man Infinity Comic #17
  174. Iron Man (1968) #187
  175. The Incredible Hulk (1962) #s 351-353
  176. West Coast Avengers (1984) #1
  177. Action Comics #1084
  178. Batman & Robin (2023) #19
  179. Absolute Superman #5
  180. The Incredible Hulk (1962) #s 354-358
  181. Fantastic Four (1961) #55
  182. The Mighty Thor (1966) #132
  183. Iron Man (1968) #188
  184. West Coast Avengers (1984) #2
  185. The Incredible Hulk (1962) #s 359-361
  186. Iron Man (1968) #s 189-195
  187. Absolute Flash #1
  188. Fantastic Four (1961) #56
  189. The Mighty Thor (1966) #133
  190. Iron Man (1968) #196
  191. West Coast Avengers (1984) #3
  192. Hardware (1993) #s 3-4
  193. Icon (1993) #s 7-8
  194. JLA (1996) #s 98-99
  195. Captain America (1968) #s 202-203
  196. Fantastic Four (1961) #57
  197. The Mighty Thor (1966) #134
  198. Iron Man (1968) #197
  199. Hardware (1993) #s 5-8
  200. Batman/Superman: World’s Finest #1
  201. Essential Rogue Trooper: The Traitor General
  202. Superman (1939) #30, 96
  203. Superman (1987) #75
  204. Superman Annual (1987) #2
  205. Superman: Peace on Earth
  206. Fantastic Four (1961) #58
  207. The Mighty Thor (1966) #135
  208. 2000 AD Prog 2422
  209. Fantastic Four (1961) #59
  210. The Mighty Thor (1966) #136
  211. Iron Man (1968) #s 198-199
  212. Astonishing X-Men Infinity Comic #12
  213. West Coast Avengers (1984) #4
  214. Iron Man Annual (1976) #7
  215. The Incredible Hulk (1962) #362
  216. Superman (1987) #2
  217. Blood Syndicate (1993) #1
  218. Justice League of America (2006) #s 27-28, 30
  219. Fantastic Four (1961) #60
  220. The Mighty Thor (1966) #137
  221. The Incredible Hulk (1962) #s 363-368
  222. Iron Man (1968) #200
  223. Captain America (1968) #s 307-309
  224. Fantastic Four (1961) #61
  225. The Mighty Thor (1966) #138
  226. The Incredible Hulk (1962) #s 369-370
  227. Captain America (1968) #310
  228. Justice League of America (2006) #s 31-34
  229. G.I. Joe (1982) #s 21-22
  230. Captain America (1968) #311
  231. The Incredible Hulk (1962) #371
  232. G.I. Joe (1982) #23
  233. Fantastic Four (1961) #62
  234. The Mighty Thor (1966) #139
  235. The Incredible Hulk (1962) #s 372
  236. Captain America (1968) #312
  237. G.I. Joe (1982) #s 24-25
  238. Batman/Superman: World’s Finest #37
  239. Challengers of the Unknown (2024) #4
  240. Absolute Martian Manhunter #1
  241. Absolute Green Lantern #1
  242. Marvel Team-Up (1972) #134
  243. Jack of Hearts #1
  244. The Question: All Along The Watchtower #5
  245. Detective Comics #1095
  246. Superman: The Last Days of Lex Luthor #2
  247. Batman & Robin: Year One #6
  248. Fantastic Four (1961) #63
  249. The Mighty Thor (1966) #140
  250. The Incredible Hulk (1962) #s 373
  251. Captain America (1968) #313
  252. G.I. Joe (1982) #s 26-30
  253. Ghost Rider/Wolverine/Punisher: Hearts of Darkness
  254. Ghost Rider/Wolverine/Punisher: The Dark Design
  255. Alpha Flight (1983) #s 3-5
  256. Ultimate Spider-Man (2024) #14
  257. The Amazing Spider-Man (2022) #68.Deaths (Yes, that’s the issue number)
  258. Captain America & Volstagg #1
  259. Fantastic Four (2022) #29
  260. Iron Man (2024) #5
  261. Red Hulk (2025) #1
  262. West Coast Avengers (2024) #4
  263. X-Men (2024) #12
  264. The Best of 2000 AD Monthly #63
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Not Only On Your Pillow

And so, on the tenth day, I decided to go to the Emergency Room. It wasn’t just that I was bored of being sick by day 10 — although, please know, I very much was, especially given that what had seemed a slow-but-sure march toward general health got utterly derailed by a weekend relapse — but that, by the tenth day of being sick, I was feeling as if the whole “taking it easy in bed, having liquids and hoping for the best” thing wasn’t really paying dividends. At least if I went to the ER, I figured, they’d flush my system with IV fluids and probably give me some antibiotics, and that would do something.

Funny story: I got no IV fluids, nor did I get any antibiotics. I did, however, get told that because I hadn’t gone to see them within the first 48 hours of my infection, they couldn’t really do much for me, and the best I could really do would be to take it easy in bed, have some liquids, and hope for the best. The irony.

Of course, this being the US healthcare system, it’s not like this ~5 hour adventure left me with nothing; I patiently await the bill for however many hundreds (thousands?) of dollars it cost for me to sit in a room for hours and get ignored by other people doing far more important things for people in far more distress than me.

That last bit isn’t entirely sarcasm; one of the good things about going to the ER was the context that, in the grand scheme of things, I was pretty well off. There was a woman who was in such pain in the waiting room that she couldn’t stop talking to herself, just saying please please please fuck oh fuck please make it stop fuck over and over and scaring a bunch of kids in the process. (Not all kids were scared; one, with the self-righteousness of someone who’s never been told no in an appropriately scary way, declared loudly, “That woman is too loud and she should stop talking because it makes me upset and she’s cursing.”) An old couple cuddled each other the entire time they waited, both looking so afraid of the world I legitimately couldn’t tell which was actually waiting for their appointment.

As I left the ER, my hopes for anything close to a speedier finish to the sickness dashed, someone passing in the corridor grabbed me by the arm, saying, “Your eyes are glassy and very bloodshot, do you know you’re going in the wrong direction for the emergency room?” Lord save us from well-meaning good samaritans whose simple faith in modern healthcare is as strong as mine.