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Near-Missed Opportunity

Part of my personal mythology is the fact that it took me two attempts to get into art school when I was a teenager; I spent a year between high school and art school at community college, working in a class to make sure that the embarrassment and shame I felt not going on to art school as had been my dream for years by that point didn’t happen again. But here’s the thing; the reason I didn’t get into art school that first time wasn’t just because I wasn’t talented enough — and, in fact, I might have been talented enough all along. The reason I didn’t get into art school was also because I completely screwed up the deadline for application.

I could not, for the life of me, remember what made me check the details for art school application on the day that I did, but I do remember the utter shock and numbness that came upon realizing that the application — complete with a portfolio of finished work, and a series of submitted paperwork that I had not even started to that point — was due that very day. I remember the sense of dissociation where I told myself surely this isn’t actually what’s happening, oh no, I’ve screwed up absolutely everything by not paying enough attention and begged for the help of absolutely everyone around me to try to pull something, anything, together to submit.

What this meant in practice was that I had to fill in my part of the paperwork, get the remainder to various teachers in my high school to add their parts, and also pull together what little work I had accomplished in the past few months to make something resembling a coherent portfolio of work that would then be packaged together and taken to Glasgow — an hour or so away from where I lived — and then dropped off at the art school there, my first choice even though I knew I had almost no chance of actually getting in. In a perfect world, this would’ve taken a week or so of careful consideration on everyone’s parts, but instead we came together to hurriedly pull it out of thin air in three or four hours from first panic to leaving the portfolio in careful, if disinterested, hands in Glasgow.

I remember at the time being utterly apologetic to everyone and in disbelief that I both hadn’t known about the deadline in advance (I mean, I clearly had known about it at some point, but then forgot) and that I’d somehow, coincidentally, checked just in time to meet the deadline. I remember thinking to myself at the time, I will never be this forgetful or thoughtless about this kind of thing again, this was so stressful and horrible. That last part wasn’t true, although I’d get there eventually. When I think about how much I double- and triple-check deadlines and how anxious I get around this kind of thing now, I’m sure this is the root. It just took decades to come into its own, is all.

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You’ll Catch A Cold And You’ll Be

For someone who loves love as much as I do — as much as I, ironically, hates the “Oh, I love love!” declaration that seems to have become popular in pop culture in recent years; I am a walking contradiction — I’m struggling to think of a Valentine’s Day that’s ever felt particularly special to me in all of my years.

That’s not to say that I haven’t tried throughout the years, or that I’ve not had nice Valentine’s Day or even good ones; I’m not claiming that I’ve never had a good date on one, or anything like that. (I’m lucky enough to have had many, in all my years, something that I think would have surprised the teenage me who always felt a little abandoned and alone on the day itself, getting no cards and feeling unloved by the world at large. Oh, to be able to go back in time and tell him that wouldn’t always be the case…!) It’s just that they’ve been just that, nice and good, and never these big romantic overwhelming events that pop culture stores show on the regular basis that overwhelm and redefine our lives.

For a long time, that bothered me. Well, perhaps bothered is putting it far too strongly, but it left me wanting and feeling as if I was missing out: What was I missing, what was I doing wrong, that Valentine’s Day would come and go and there would be a good date but no massive emotional revelation? Never mind the fact that I couldn’t actually imagine what that would look like — something that, all things being equal, should have made me think, oh, am I falling for a sales pitch for something that doesn’t really exist — I felt as if I was missing out on something that would make me supernaturally happy and fulfilled emotionally like in all the movies, and throughout my teens and my 20s, I’d end the day just that little bit let down.

I can’t remember at what point I realized that the nice and the good was the point, that those were the Valentine’s Days (and dates) that I’d remember and were meaningful, but I do remember talking to Chloe at one point early in our relationship when we couldn’t get a reservation at a specific restaurant on February 14th and her gently suggesting that I was still putting too much effort into a random day and date when any other day would be just as good to show and celebrate love. And probably with more success with restaurant reservations. Old habits die hard, no matter what we tell ourselves.

Still, good luck tomorrow to everyone, anyway.

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Temporary Outage

And then I ground to a halt, reluctantly.

The way I put it in a message to my boss was, “I’ve been fighting a cold all week, and the cold’s winning.” That’s maybe a little too cute, but it wasn’t untrue; by the time I called out sick last week, I’d been feeling sluggish and tired and dealing with a persistent headache for four days, and my traditional approach of What if I just ignore it and then it’ll go away, because that’s certainly how you’re supposed to deal with illness wasn’t paying off this time.

The problem — well, the problem that wasn’t the fact that I had a cold and I didn’t want to have a cold, which was also the problem — was that it was one of those weeks that just felt as if it didn’t end; everything kept happening, and almost all of it demanded my attention in one way or another. I felt as if I was constantly “on” from waking up to falling asleep, and then sleeping badly because of the cold, just to make matters worse. Every evening, I’d find myself thinking some variation on the thought of, “I wish I could just hit pause, just for a little bit, to regain some strength.”

To any regular person, that sounds like the ideal time to call out sick from work and give yourself a day to recover, but friends: I am a workaholic and that’s not how my brain works. I knew it was the right idea and something I should do, yet I kept finding reasons not to call out — there’s stuff that needs to be done, I’ve had a couple of four-day work weeks in a row and I should work a full week, it’s not that bad when it comes down to it — all the way up until actually calling out at 7 in the morning.

What pushed me to finally do the obvious thing was receiving a text from my sister at 5:30 that morning — to be fair, she’s in the UK and time zone math is hard — telling me about a family thing that just made me think, Oh, there’s another thing, of course, before realizing I really should just be kinder to myself and take the damn day off.

The day was spent, instead, on a couch and in a bed, relaxing and suggesting to the animals that maybe they too should calm down and let me rest. All things considered, it was the day I needed: the temporary stop that let me keep going. Maybe next time I’ll get there without being sick and/or trying to convince myself that pausing is a luxury on the way.

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The Movies of January 2026

Let’s take a moment to appreciate the variety of viewing experiences January brought me, from the utter disappointment and exhaustion of the series finale of Stranger Things to my crying multiple times while watching Come See Me In The Good Light, which utterly emotionally wrecked me. There was no particular rhyme nor reason to my January watches, but that feels entirely right for the first month of the year. It’s a recovery month, a stuttering-into-life month after the holidays. I watched some good stuff, and I watched some utter trash. (Beyond Stranger Things, let’s call out Tron: Ares for also being terrible; at least the disappointment of A Big, Bold, Beautiful Journey was rooted in some kind of ambition that it could never hope to fulfill.) As far as first steps into the year go, I could have made worse ones.

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The Comics of January 2026

I ploughed through a lot of comics in January, in no small part because I obsessed over the Superman: The Triangle Era Omnibus volumes 1 and 2, both of which I read in the month. (Between the two, that’s almost 100 comics combined.) I also revisited Rob Williams and Michael Dowling’s massively underrated series Unfollow — someone, somewhere, should adapt it for television, please — and sampled a handful of other old series to see what was going to follow my weird, obsessive Superman binge. As far as starts to the year go, it was a pretty good one, I’m not going to lie.

  1. Static Shock (2011) #s 7-8 (Series cancelled)
  2. The Final Night Preview #1
  3. The Final Night #1
  4. Extreme Justice #0
  5. Indestructible Hulk #9
  6. Once & Future #1
  7. The Low, Low Woods #s 1-2
  8. Superman (1987) #51
  9. Adventures of Superman (1987) #474
  10. Indestructible Hulk #10
  11. The Final Night #s 2-3
  12. Parallax: Emerald Night #1
  13. The Final Night #4
  14. Green Lantern (1990) #81
  15. Genesis (1997) #s 1-4
  16. Indestructible Hulk #s 11-15
  17. Extreme Justice #1
  18. Vertigo Verite: Hell Eternal #1
  19. Vertigo: Winter’s Edge #3
  20. Action Comics #661
  21. Superman (1987) #52
  22. Extreme Justice #s 2-3
  23. Vertigo: Winter’s Edge #s 1-2
  24. Unfollow #1
  25. Shade the Changing Man (1990) #1
  26. DC One Million #1
  27. Adventures of Superman (1987) #475
  28. Unfollow #2
  29. Shade the Changing Man (1990) #2
  30. G.I. Joe (1982) #s 126-127
  31. Extreme Justice #4
  32. Batman (1940) #411
  33. Indestructible Hulk #16
  34. SHIELD (2014) #7
  35. Catwoman (1993) #s 86-88
  36. World’s Finest: Teen Titans #1
  37. Action Comics #662
  38. Superman (1987) #53
  39. Batman (1940) #s 412-413
  40. Shade the Changing Man (1990) #3
  41. Extreme Justice #5
  42. Unfollow #3
  43. Indestructible Hulk #17
  44. G.I. Joe (1982) #128
  45. Adventures of Superman (1987) #476
  46. Action Comics #663
  47. Superman (1987) #54
  48. X-Men (2024) #23
  49. Venom (2025) #253
  50. Adventures of Superman (1987) #477
  51. Action Comics #664
  52. Superman (1987) #55
  53. G.I. Joe (1982) #129
  54. Batman (1940) #414
  55. Shade the Changing Man (1990) #4
  56. Unfollow #4
  57. Extreme Justice #6
  58. Indestructible Hulk #s 18-20
  59. Hulk (2014) #1
  60. Peter Parker, The Spectacular Spider-Man (1976) #88
  61. Adventures of Superman (1987) #478
  62. Action Comics #665
  63. Extreme Justice #s 7-8
  64. Batman (1940) #s 415-416
  65. Unfollow #5
  66. G.I. Joe (1982) #130
  67. Hulk (2014) #2
  68. Superman (1987) #56
  69. Adventures of Superman (1987) #479
  70. Action Comics #666
  71. Unfollow #6
  72. Hulk (2014) #s 3-4
  73. Alpha Flight (1983) #51
  74. SHIELD (2014) #8
  75. X-Factor (1986) #7
  76. Shade the Changing Man (1990) #5
  77. Extreme Justice #9
  78. Avengers (2015) #0
  79. All-New All-Different Avengers #1
  80. Superman: The Man of Steel (1991) #1
  81. The Amazing Spider-Man (2025) #s 10-11
  82. Battleworld (2025) #4
  83. Black Cat (2025) #5
  84. The Amazing Spider-Man (2025) #12
  85. Star Wars (2025) #1
  86. Superman (1987) #57
  87. Unfollow #7
  88. Shade the Changing Man (1990) #6
  89. G.I. Joe (1982) #131
  90. The Amazing Spider-Man (2025) #13
  91. Adventures of Superman (1987) #480
  92. Action Comics #667
  93. 2000 AD Progs 2465-2466 (Judge Dredd stories only)
  94. Unfollow #8
  95. Shade the Changing Man (1990) #7
  96. G.I. Joe (1982) #132
  97. Extreme Justice #10
  98. Star Wars: Han Solo – Hunt for the Falcon #1
  99. 2000 AD Prog 2463 (Strontium Dog story only)
  100. X-Factor (1986) #8
  101. Superman: The Man of Steel (1991) #2
  102. Superman (1987) #58
  103. Unfollow #s 9-12
  104. Adventures of Superman (1987) #481
  105. The Balaclava Kid OGN (Kevin O’Neill)
  106. Feartreland OGN (Kevin O’Neill)
  107. Extreme Justice #11
  108. G.I. Joe (1982) #s 133-135
  109. All-New All-Different Avengers #2
  110. Action Comics #668
  111. Superman: The Man of Steel (1991) #3
  112. Superman (1987) #59
  113. Adventures of Superman (1987) #482
  114. G.I. Joe (1982) #136
  115. G.I. Joe (2024) #17
  116. Transformers (2023) #28
  117. Unfollow #13
  118. Extreme Justice #12
  119. Alpha Flight (1983) #52
  120. X-Men: Age of Revelation #0
  121. Justice League (1987) #s 1-2
  122. Action Comics #669
  123. Battleworld (2025) #5
  124. Black Cat (2025) #6
  125. Dungeons of Doom #1
  126. The Ultimates (2024) #20
  127. G.I. Joe (1982) #s 137-138
  128. Avengers (2023) #34
  129. Superman: The Man of Steel (1991) #4
  130. Unfollow #14
  131. Extreme Justice #s 13-14
  132. Superman (1987) #60
  133. The Filth #1
  134. Unfollow #s 15-18
  135. Uncanny X-Men (2024) #22
  136. All-New All-Different Avengers #3
  137. G.I. Joe (1982) #139
  138. Justice League (1987) #3
  139. Adventures of Superman (1987) #483
  140. Action Comics #670
  141. SHIELD (2014) #9
  142. All-New All-Different Avengers #4
  143. Alpha Flight (1983) #53
  144. Clean Room #1
  145. Red Thorn #1
  146. G.I. Joe (1982) #140
  147. Justice League (1987) #4
  148. Justice League Annual (1987) #1
  149. G.I. Joe (1982) #s 141-144
  150. The Amazing Spider-Man (2025) #s 14-18
  151. Superman: The Man of Steel (1991) #5
  152. Superman (1987) #61
  153. Adventures of Superman (1987) #484
  154. Red Thorn #2
  155. Justice League (1987) #5
  156. Booster Gold (1986) #1
  157. The Amazing Spider-Man (2025) #19
  158. The Beauty #s 1-2
  159. The Amazing Spider-Man (1963) #238
  160. Action Comics #671
  161. 2000 AD Prog 2467 (Judge Dredd story only)
  162. Superman: The Man of Steel (1991) #6
  163. Superman (1987) #62
  164. Adventures of Superman (1987) #485
  165. Action Comics #672
  166. Justice League (1987) #6
  167. Justice League International (1987) #7
  168. Superman: The Man of Steel (1991) #7
  169. Superman (1987) #63
  170. The Power Fantasy #15
  171. Adventures of Superman (1987) #486
  172. Action Comics #673
  173. Superman: The Man of Steel (1991) #8
  174. The Filth #2
  175. G.I. Joe (1982) #s 145-146
  176. The Filth #3
  177. Extreme Justice #15
  178. All-New, All-Different Avengers #5
  179. SHIELD (2014) #10
  180. All-New, All-Different Avengers #6
  181. Superman (1987) #64
  182. Adventures of Superman (1987) #487
  183. Action Comics #674
  184. Superman: The Man of Steel (1991) #9
  185. The Beauty #3
  186. The Traveler #1
  187. All-New, All-Different Avengers #s 7-8
  188. G.I. Joe (1982) #147
  189. Sword of Sorcery #0
  190. Assorted Crisis Events #7
  191. Superman (1987) #65
  192. G.I. Joe (1982) #s 148-149
  193. The Traveler #2
  194. The Beauty #s 4-5
  195. Adventures of Superman (1987) #488
  196. Action Comics #675
  197. Superman: The Man of Steel (1991) #10
  198. G.I. Joe (1982) #s 150-151
  199. Secret Origins (1986) #44
  200. Power of the Atom #1
  201. Superman (1987) #66
  202. Adventures of Superman (1987) #489
  203. DC K.O.: Knightfight #4
  204. DC K.O.: Boss Battle #1
  205. Batman (2025) #6
  206. Power of the Atom #2
  207. G.I. Joe (1982) #s 152-155
  208. Justice League Quarterly #3
  209. Mister Miracle (1988) #s 1-2
  210. Transformers (UK) #113 (Transformers story only)
  211. Action Comics #676
  212. The Amazing Spider-Man (2025) #20
  213. Captain America (2025) #6
  214. Fantastic Four (2025) #7
  215. Superman: The Man of Steel (1991) #11
  216. Superman (1987) #67
  217. Justice League Spectacular #1
  218. Justice League America (1987) #61
  219. SHIELD (2014) #11
  220. All-New, All-Different Avengers #9
  221. Adventures of Superman (1987) #490
  222. Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars #11
  223. Dr. Fate (1988) #1
  224. Starman (1988) #1
  225. Star Brand (1986) #1
  226. Untold Tales of the New Universe: Justice #1
  227. Psi-Force #1
  228. Justice (1986) #15
  229. D.P.7 #1
  230. Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars #12
  231. Green Arrow (2023) #s 18-19
  232. Action Comics #677
  233. 2000 AD Prog 2468 (Judge Dredd story only)
  234. X-Men (2024) #24
  235. Superman: The Man of Steel (1991) #12
  236. Dr. Fate (1988) #2
  237. Hero Squared X-tra Sized Special #1
  238. Green Arrow (2023) #20
  239. All-New, All-Different Avengers #10
  240. SHIELD (2014) #12
  241. Amazing Spider-Man (1962) #239
  242. Superman (1987) #68
  243. Adventures of Superman (1987) #491
  244. Action Comics #678
  245. Green Arrow (2023) #s 21-22
  246. Dr. Fate (1988) #3
  247. All-New, All-Different Avengers #11
  248. DC K.O. #4
  249. Titans (2023) #32
  250. Batman/Superman: World’s Finest #48
  251. Superman: The Man of Steel (1991) #13
  252. Superman (1987) #69
  253. Adventures of Superman (1987) #492
  254. All-New, All-Different Avengers #12
  255. Action Comics #643
  256. Superman (1987) #34
  257. Adventures of Superman (1987) #457
  258. Action Comics #644
  259. Green Arrow (2023) #23
  260. Dr. Fate (1988) #4
  261. Extreme Justice #16
  262. Aztek the Ultimate Man #1
  263. Superman (1987) #35
  264. Adventures of Superman (1987) #458
  265. Action Comics #645
  266. The Infernal Hulk #3
  267. Action Comics #679
  268. Superman: The Man of Steel (1991) #14
  269. Iron Man (2026) #1
  270. Inglorious X-Force #1
  271. The Mortal Thor #s 1-6
  272. G.I. Joe (2024) #18
  273. Dr. Fate (1988) #s 5-6
  274. Green Arrow (2023) #24
  275. All-New, All-Different Avengers #s 13-15
  276. Avengers (2016) #1
  277. Champions (2016) #1
  278. Spawn #1
  279. Star Wars (2025) #2
  280. Superman (1987) #70
  281. Adventures of Superman (1987) #493
  282. Absolute Batman #16
  283. Action Comics #680
  284. Superman: The Man of Steel (1991) #15
  285. Dr. Fate Annual (1988) #1
  286. The Spectre (1987) #12
  287. Champions (2016) #2
  288. Avengers (2016) #2
  289. Brink Book Six
  290. Avengers (2016) #s 3-6
  291. Infernal Hulk #s 1-2
  292. Superman (1987) #71
  293. Adventures of Superman (1987) #494
  294. Green Arrow (2023) #25
  295. Dr. Fate (1988) #7
  296. Champions (2016) #s 3-4
  297. Cyclops (2010) #1
  298. X-Men: First Class (2006) #1
  299. Uncanny X-Men (1963) #14
  300. Action Comics #681
  301. Superman: The Man of Steel (1991) #16
  302. Superman (1987) #72
  303. Avengers (2016) #s 1.1-2.1
  304. Green Arrow (2023) #26
  305. Dr. Fate (1988) #8
  306. Adventures of Superman (1987) #495
  307. Action Comics #682
  308. 2000 AD Prog 2469 (Judge Dredd story only)
  309. Superman: The Man of Steel (1991) #17
  310. Superman (1987) #73
  311. Green Arrow (2023) #27
  312. Avengers (2016) #s 3.1-5.1
  313. Champions (2016) #s 5-6
  314. Detective Comics Annual 2025 #1
  315. Adventures of Superman (1987) #496
  316. Action Comics #683
  317. Superman: The Man of Steel (1991) #18
  318. Justice League America (1987) #69
  319. Superman (1987) #74
  320. Adventures of Superman (1987) #497
  321. Action Comics #684
  322. Superman: The Man of Steel (1991) #19
  323. Superman (1987) #75
  324. Adventures of Superman (1987) #498
  325. Action Comics #685
  326. Superman: The Man of Steel (1991) #20
  327. Superman (1987) #76
  328. Adventures of Superman (1987) #499
  329. Action Comics #686
  330. The Legacy of Superman #1
  331. Superman: The Man of Steel (1991) #21
  332. Superman (1987) #77
  333. Supergirl and Team Luthor #1
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Self-Directed Whimsy

I mentioned the other day in passing to a friend about my increasing awareness of a need to spend time by myself. I didn’t mean that in a generic sense — there are plenty of times every week where I’m “by myself” as I work, for example, or moments when I’m the only one watching a TV show or whatever as other people are elsewhere in the house, but that’s not the kind of thing that I mean. Instead, I’m talking about… finding time to intentionally alone, for want of a better way to put it.

For me, it’s going for walks and listening to music. I’ve written before, I’m sure, about my love of the Situationist dérive, the act of wandering with no intent or destination in mind and seeing where you go, and that’s become something akin to a weekly act of self-care to me as I plug myself into my phone and listen to whatever I’ve been obsessing over lately. Occasionally, I tell myself that there’s something about it that’s an exercise routine of sorts, and sure enough I’m getting some exercise, but the true appeal is the space it gives my brain to just… free associate and work through whatever has been lying there ill-considered and needing some time to marinate.

There is always something, somewhere, to take your time and attention if you let it, I’ve come to realize; there’s always a deadline or an obligation or reason to pay attention to something that someone else wants. (I’m speaking not just of work obligations, of which I have so many, you understand, but also family and just, you know, making sure you’re paying the bills and have food and everything else.) Sometimes it feels as if there’s no space to just… be selfish enough to let your mind wander, for want of a better way to put it.

Something I’ve heard a bunch of different people talk about in the last month or so, in a bunch of different circumstances and a bunch of different situations is their desire for “whimsy,” and when I’ve asked them about it, it’s translated into variations on the idea of “I wish I had time and space to be silly and joyful but I don’t.” That’s what these walks are for me; finding that time and space, surrounded by people but still very much for myself and by myself.

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Got A Feeling In My Pocket, Going Way Home

I suddenly remembered, the other day, something from 30 years ago. I was in my final year of my Bachelors degree at art school, and nearing the end of the course, and the world was electric. My final year of that degree was a big one for me in all kinds of ways — aside from the stress of will I get my degree or have I screwed up and wasted the last four years of my life?, there were also the facts that I spent much of the year in my first proper extended relationship (which went south before too long for reasons that were as much “I didn’t know what I was doing” than anything else; I was a bad boyfriend), I was slowly beginning to realize that maybe I wanted to be a writer instead of a graphic designer or visual artist, and I was dealing with the fact that, because it was the last year of my degree, I’d soon be saying goodbye to people I’d grown close to over the past four years and didn’t quite know how to deal with any of that.

In the middle of all of this, the music scene of the time was in flux in ways that felt exciting and explosive — part of it was that Britpop was dying although we didn’t necessarily realize it at the time, and the death throes were offering up some of the more interesting music of the movement, but there was also the truth that I was looking outside of my relatively narrow parameters of the previous few years and finding things I’d ignored or never discovered at all years prior. Added up, it felt like the perfect soundtrack to a life that felt perpetually in motion at the time.

The thing I remembered was checking my bank balance in the town center, and seeing that I had, essentially no money. I literally had just over ten pounds and I knew no money would be coming in for at least a couple of weeks, and I needed groceries and, you know, money to just get by. Instead of doing any of those things, I withdrew ten pounds and went to buy an album for myself — Supergrass‘s In It For The Money, perhaps ironically given the title — entirely secure that I was making the right decision and everything else would fall into place and be fine.

Here’s the thing: I was right. Things did fall into place, and everything was fine. And the opening three songs off that album were exactly what I needed to hear at that point in my life, and I made the right decision, at the time and even looking back now. But when I remembered all of this, the thought came to me not that I was dumb and should’ve bought food or whatever, but that I miss that utter sense of security and belief in the universe that everything would work out. Remember when you could make bargains with life like that and they’d pay off?