Author: Graeme McMillan

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Busy Feelin’ Anxious About Doin’ Nothin’

During the holiday break, I read something online along the lines of, “If you feel like you need a break, take a break — don’t do anything at all, and let yourself actually relax without any kind of expectation on you whatsoever — and then take even more of a break, because if you feel like you need a break, chances are you need more of one than you believe.” It was the kind of self-help talk that made my head buzz with recognition, so I decided to heed the advice and proceeded, for the vast majority of 12 days to do as little as possible.

And that’s when I discovered that all of my workaholic tendencies have apparently come back in force.

Back in the day, I managed to hide all the worst workaholic feelings I had because I was a freelancer, and that comes with the Freelancer Hustle, so the impulse to always be working and always be productive could be disguised as, “If I stop for even a minute, then I’m losing income that I can’t afford to give up.” That particular lie — to myself, and others around me — allowed me to work myself into a hole with a defense of it being necessary and, in the grander scheme, maybe even good for me if I could get to a point where I was successful enough that I could relax.

That never happened, of course, but the joys of therapy and a significant change in life circumstances made me realize that I was working too hard and needed to pull back about six or so years ago, and I actually managed to do so for some time with no small amount of smugness: look at me, taking care of myself! And then, this recent break happened and the antsy-ness I felt while purposefully not doing anything let me know that maybe it’s not a habit I’ve entirely broken, after all…

I resisted the urge for pretty much the entire break, however — sometimes, some things really did need to be done — and I’m probably better for the experience, as much as I kind of hate to admit it. The trick for the next few months is working out how to force myself to relax on a regular basis, and not find reasons to work more than necessary in the hopes that I’m earning back time that future me will never claim.

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Someone Should Record A Teen Titans Song Called “Titanic” to the Tune of Atomic

At some point in November, I started re-reading The New Teen Titans, a comic book series that was for a large stretch of the 1980s one of the most acclaimed comic books in the U.S. market — and one of the leading titles for DC Comics at a time when it was positioning itself as one of the most forward-thinking publishers out there for mainstream audiences. By all logic, such a description would suggest that New Teen Titans is an all-time classic that people place in the same pantheon as Chris Claremont’s contemporaneous run on Uncanny X-Men, or other such 1980s superheroes classics. And yet… they don’t.

The problem is, bluntly, that the last… half of the classic 1980s/early 90s run is not particularly very good. In fact, it’s so bad that it’s almost more interesting than the good stuff, for reasons that amount to little more than simply asking, “What the fuck is happening?” over and over and over again.

The “classic” New Teen Titans run starts in 1980 when Marv Wolfman and George Perez revive the 1960s team book with a bunch of new characters and a mission statement that essentially consists of, “see what Claremont is doing in X-Men? Yeah, that, but even more soapy.” It was an immediate smash hit because, honestly, it’s addictive glossy soap superheroics that very deliberately places all of the big threats as something with personal connections to one of the core cast, because everything in the damn comic is soap opera and character-driven, and that’s what makes it work. Keeping everything claustrophobically focused on its core cast is a strong enough gimmick to keep the momentum going even when you realize that some plots are going nowhere, and others are repeating over and over again. (How many times need we worry that one of the team is evil?)

And then, stunningly, everything goes to pieces. The 1980s New Teen Titans comic was successful enough that, four years in, it gets replaced by another comic, also called New Teen Titans, which gets renamed The New Titans with its 50th issue because, well, maybe teens weren’t in anymore. That second series continues until its 130th issue in 1996 or so, but here’s the thing: everything after, maybe, #62 or so is… terrible. Not just “not very good,” but, actively bad. And it’s all because the series seems to utterly forget what works.

I can’t deny it: the sudden, unmistakable drop-off in quality is what kept me reading until the end, in part because I was compelled to try and figure out if there was method to the seeming madness of dropping almost all of the pre-existing cast in any number of melodramatic ways — one is literally tied to a missile, flown into Russia, and then transformed into a mind-controlled robot; that’s not a joke — while also wondering just how crazy things could get.

There’s something compelling to me about watching artistic “flops,” or failures in some degree or another, but the fate of New Teen Titans is almost singular in the ways in which it doesn’t just lean into the skid as things start to go wrong, but almost speed up into it, too: doubling down, as if to see what might happen if the crash is harder, more violent, more destructive. You almost have to admire that sense of nihilism, if it wasn’t for the fact that… it’s kind of boring to read…?

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Lucky by Radiohead

It’s a surreal, disturbing thing to watch the wildfires in Los Angeles and know that people I know and love are caught up in all of that. I mean that in the literal sense; I know people who got the evacuation notice and had to get the fuck out of there, leaving me — who’s lucky in that I’m states away from any of this and in no danger whatsoever — in a heightened state of anxiety and concern for them and thinking, over and over, I can’t imagine going through that myself.

I’ve been astonishingly lucky in terms of natural disasters, in that I’ve never really had to go through one. I think the worst I’ve ever personally had to deal with has been… an earthquake or two in San Francisco when I lived there, maybe? There was a hurricane in my hometown when I was a kid that was terrifying because it sucked a window out of our attic, but (a) I might be misremembering, and (b) our house wasn’t in the best shape at any given moment, so maybe that wasn’t that serious of a feat after all. Kid memories are always notoriously untrustworthy.

I remember, too, the wildfire smoke in Portland from the past few summers, and the days when the sky was orange because of the pollution and debris in the air; how curiously, surreally dystopian and cinematic it felt, and entirely unrealistic at the same time. How could this be the actual real world I asked myself as I ventured outside, the oppressive heat and thick air feeling like something artificial, as if I was in some strange room that I’d be able to step outside of and breathe freely again.

It’ll be worse than that in LA right now; the photos I’ve seen look like special effects from disaster movies, and videos of burned out neighborhoods that just don’t exist anymore. Everything I see makes me realize again how lucky I’ve been, and how little I’ve had to experience. I really can’t imagine going through any of it myself, and I’m so sorry, and so fearful, for those who have to.

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The Movies of December 2024

To the surprise of absolutely no-one, I watched a bunch of Christmas movies in December. But as much as I love my seasonal treats, the movies that left more of an impression this time around were some of the other movies I watched during the month. In particular, The Outrun — which is harrowing and life-affirming in equal measures, I think, and cements Saorise Ronan as one of my favorite actors working right now — and Conclave, which is exactly the “bitchy Priest Succession” that I was promised by early reviews. The Red Shoes is also on there, which I hadn’t seen in close to three decades and is, if anything, so fucking wonderful that I feel embarrassed for not getting it earlier. Movies! They’re wonderful! (Also on the list: The Virtues, which is technically a TV show but has a movie-length final episode, so I counted it.)

Here’s the month in full.

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The Comics of December 2024

In a very strange way, December — a month where I read a lot of holiday comics, and a lot of Teen Titans comics and related series thereof — might have been the month that most perfectly represented my 2024 reading trends (revisiting old series and/or catching up with things I hadn’t read but felt like I should as a superhero fan, but doing so in bulk) and also the month that broke me of that tendency, at least in the short term. I read a lot of comic books in December, but outside of the obvious choices, very few were memorable, and very many were instantly forgettable if not downright bad. (Most of the 2003 Teen Titans series, I’m sadly looking at you.) Maybe 2025 is a year where I read less, but what I do read will be of higher quality. Check in with me this time next month and we’ll see if I followed through on that promise to myself.

  1. The Titans (1999) #s 1-2
  2. The Titans Secret Files & Origins #1
  3. The Titans (1999) #s 3-4
  4. Secret Origins (1986) #13
  5. Action Comics Weekly #s 613-618, 626-634 (Nightwing stories only)
  6. The Titans (1999) #s 5-20
  7. The Titans Secret Files & Origins #2
  8. Crisis #8 (Third World War story only)
  9. Rogue Trooper: The War Machine
  10. DC Rebirth Holiday Special #1
  11. Astonishing X-Men Infinity Comic #1
  12. The Titans (1999) #s 21-25
  13. Team Titans #s 5-11
  14. Fantastic Four: Antithesis #s 1-4 
  15. Team Titans #s 12-14
  16. The Titans (1999) #s 26-30
  17. Marvel Team-Up (1972) #1
  18. The Brave and the Bold (1955) #148
  19. Batman (1940) #309
  20. Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight (1989) #79
  21. The Titans (1999) #s 31-37
  22. The Titans (1999) #s 38-41
  23. Marvel Holiday Magazine Digital Comic #s 1-3
  24. Avengers Unlimited Infinity Comic #25
  25. Gwenpool Holiday Special: Merry Mix-Up #1
  26. All-New Venom #1
  27. Iron Man (2024) #2
  28. West Coast Avengers (2024) #1
  29. X-Men (2024) #8
  30. The Avengers (2023) #21 
  31. The Titans (1999) #s 42-50
  32. Titans/Young Justice: Graduation Day #s 1-3
  33. The Amazing Spider-Man (2022) #s 61-62
  34. The Christmas Spirit of 1940: Black Henry and Simple Simon
  35. Avengers Assemble (2024) #s 3-4
  36. Wolverine (2024) #4
  37. Teen Titans (2003) #1
  38. Titans East Special #1
  39. Titans (2008) #s 1-3
  40. Titans (2008) #s 4-5
  41. World’s Greatest Super-Heroes Holiday Special #1
  42. Batman Annual (2016) #1
  43. Harley Quinn Holiday Special #1
  44. Titans (2008) #6
  45. DC Special: The Return of Donna Troy #s 1-4
  46. Titans (2008) #s 7-11
  47. It’s Jeff! Infinity Comic #38
  48. Klaus #1
  49. Titans (2008) #s 12-15
  50. Blackest Night: Titans #s 1-3
  51. Titans (2008) #s 16-23
  52. Titans Hunt #s 1-2
  53. Klaus #s 2-7
  54. DC’s Nuclear Winter Special #1
  55. DC Universe Holiday Special 2010 #1
  56. Batman/Santa Claus: Silent Knight Returns #2
  57. Titans Hunt #s 3-8
  58. Justice League (2011) #51
  59. Titans: Rebirth #1
  60. Titans (2016) #1
  61. Weirdworld (2015 Vol 2) #1
  62. Klaus and the Witch of Winter
  63. Klaus and the Crisis in Xmasville 
  64. 2000 AD Prog 2413 (Year-end Christmas Prog)
  65. Essential Rogue Trooper: The Traitor General
  66. Transformers (2023) #s 7-10
  67. Klaus and the Crying Snowman
  68. Klaus and the Life and Times of Joe Christmas
  69. The Ultimates (2024) #7
  70. DC’s Batman Smells, Robin Laid an Egg #1
  71. DC’s Very Merry Multiverse #1
  72. Titans (2016) #s 2-6
  73. Titans (2016) #s 7-11
  74. Teen Titans (2016) #8
  75. Deathstroke (2016) #s 19-20
  76. Teen Titans: The Lazarus Contract Special #1
  77. Titans Annual (2016) #1
  78. Astonishing X-Men Infinity Comic #2
  79. Titans (2016) #s 12-19
  80. Dazzler (2024) #3
  81. NYX (2024) #6
  82. Star Wars: Battle of Jakku – Republic Under Siege #s 1-3
  83. Transformers (2023) #s 11-15
  84. Titans (2016) #s 20-22
  85. Titans Annual (2016) #2
  86. Titans Special (2018) #1
  87. The Christmas Spirit of 1941: A Trilogy
  88. Titans (2016) #s 23-25
  89. Deathstroke (2011) #1
  90. Deathstroke (2014) #1
  91. Deathstroke: Rebirth #1
  92. Deathstroke (2016) #1
  93. The Christmas Spirit of 1945: Horton J Winklerod
  94. Adventure Comics (1938) #82
  95. DCU Holiday Bash III #1
  96. Titans (2016) #s 26-32
  97. Green Arrow (2016) #45
  98. Nightwing (2016) #50
  99. Titans (2016) #s 33-35
  100. Teen Titans Academy #1
  101. Future State: Teen Titans #1
  102. Hellblazer (1988) #49
  103. Teen Titans Academy #s 2-4
  104. The Brave & The Bold (1955) #57
  105. Teen Titans Academy #s 5-7
  106. Teen Titans Academy 2021 Yearbook #1
  107. Shazam (2022) #1
  108. Teen Titans Academy #8
  109. Shazam (2022) #s 2-4
  110. Teen Titans Academy #s 9-10
  111. The Best of DC #22
  112. Action Comics #s 1078-1982
  113. Metamorpho, The Element Man (2024) #1
  114. The New Gods (2024) #1
  115. Challengers of the Unknown (2024) #1
  116. Justice League Unlimited (2024) #2
  117. Justice League: The Atom Project #1
  118. Teen Titans Academy #s 11-15
  119. Superman (2023) #20
  120. Superwoman Special #1
  121. Judge Dredd: A Better World
  122. GI Joe (2024) #2
  123. 2000 AD Prog 2414 (New Dredd by Williams/Wyatt!!!)
  124. Batman (2016) #s 155-156
  125. Batman: Dark Patterns #1
  126. Green Lantern (2023) #18
  127. Green Lantern: Fractured Spectrum #1
  128. JSA (2024) #s 2-3
  129. Green Lantern/Green Arrow: World’s Finest Special #1
  130. Titans (2023) #18
  131. Catwoman (2018) #71
  132. Batman/Superman: World’s Finest #34
  133. It’s Jeff! Infinity Comic #39
  134. Superman (2023) #21
  135. The Flash (2023) #16
  136. Black Canary: Best of the Best #2
  137. Detective Comics #1092
  138. Jenny Sparks (2024) #s 5-6
  139. Aquaman (2025) #1
  140. Absolute Superman #s 2-3
  141. Birds of Prey (2023) #s 16-17
  142. Batman and Robin (2023) #s 16-17
  143. Batman and Robin: Year One #4
  144. Wonder Woman (2023) #s 16-17
  145. Super Friends (1976) #42
  146. Forbidden Tales of Dark Mansion #15 
  147. The Christmas Spirit of 1946: A Fable
  148. Deathstroke Inc. #1
  149. Deathstroke Inc. #s 2-7
  150. Shadow War: Alpha #1
  151. Batman (2016) #s 122-123
  152. Deathstroke Inc. #s 8-9
  153. Robin (2021) #s 13-14
  154. Shadow War Zone #1
  155. Shadow War: Omega #1
  156. Marvel Rivals Infinity Comic #1
  157. Astonishing X-Men Infinity Comic #3
  158. Dark Crisis #s 1-2
  159. The Amazing Spider-Man (2022) #62
  160. Captain America (2023) #16
  161. Dazzler (2024) #4
  162. Daredevil (2023) #16
  163. Fantastic Four (2022) #27
  164. The Incredible Hulk (2023) #20
  165. The Immortal Thor #18
  166. Ultimate Universe: One Year In #1
  167. Ultimate Spider-Man (2024) #12
  168. Dark Crisis #3
  169. Dark Crisis on Infinite Earths #s 4-6 (Name change!)
  170. Titans (2023) #19
  171. Dark Crisis on Infinite Earths #7
  172. DC All In Special #1
  173. Deathstroke Inc #s 10-12
  174. Super-Team Family #s 11-14
  175. Batman/Superman: World’s Finest #35
  176. Catwoman (2018) #72
  177. Zatanna (2025) #1
  178. Zatanna: Bring Down the House #s 1-5
  179. The Question: All Along the Watchtower #2
  180. Batman: The Brave and the Bold (2023) #20
  181. Deathstroke Inc. #s 13-15
  182. Deathstroke (2016) #s 2-4
  183. Teen Titans (2003) #2
  184. Superman (1938) #2
  185. Batman: Dark Patterns #2
  186. Teen Titans (2003) #s 3-6
  187. Deathstroke (2016) #s 4-8
  188. Batman/Santa Claus: Silent Knight Returns #4
  189. DC Comics Presents (1978) #67
  190. Teen Titans (2003) #7
  191. Teen Titans (2003) #s 8-12
  192. Marvel Holiday Tales to Astonish #1
  193. Uncanny X-Men (2024) #7
  194. Star Wars: The Battle of Jakku – Republic Under Siege #4
  195. Phoenix (2024) #6
  196. Infinity Watch (2024) #1
  197. TVA #1
  198. It’s Jeff! Infinity Comic #40
  199. What If…? (1989) #41
  200. The Christmas Spirit of 1947: Joy
  201. What If…? (1989) #s 67-68
  202. The Question: All Along the Watchtower #3
  203. Challengers of the Unknown (2024) #2
  204. The New Gods (2024) #2
  205. Justice League Unlimited (2024) #3
  206. Teen Titans (2003) #s 13-16
  207. Teen Titans/Legion Special #1
  208. Teen Titans (2003) #s 17-23
  209. Outsiders (2003) #s 1-3
  210. What If…? (1989) #s 46-47
  211. Astonishing Spider-Man Infinity Comic #9
  212. The Flash (2023) #17
  213. Metamorpho, The Element Man (2024) #2
  214. EC Shiver Suspenstories #1
  215. What If…? (1989) #51
  216. The Christmas Spirit of 1948: Basher Bains
  217. Outsiders (2003) #s 4-10
  218. Action Comics (1938) #521
  219. DC Comics Presents (1978) #68
  220. JSA (1999) #33
  221. DC Comics Presents (1978) #71
  222. Outsiders (2003) #s 11-25
  223. Teen Titans (2003) #s 24-25
  224. JSA (1999) #s 34-37
  225. Martian Manhunter: Divergence #1
  226. Outsiders (2003) #s 26-31
  227. Teen Titans (2003) #s 26-28
  228. Martian Manhunter (2015) #1
  229. X-Men (2004) #9
  230. West Coast Avengers (2024) #2
  231. Timeslide #1
  232. Teen Titans (2003) #s 29-31
  233. Iron Man (2024) #3
  234. Exceptional X-Men #4
  235. Outsiders (2003) #32
  236. Teen Titans (2003) #s 32-33
  237. Outsiders (2003) #33
  238. Astonishing X-Men Infinity Comic #4
  239. Marvel Rivals Infinity Comic #2
  240. Suicide Squad: Blaze #1
  241. The Christmas Spirit of 1949: S. Kringle Klaus
  242. Teen Titans (2003) #34
  243. Rare Flavours #s 1-2
  244. Teen Titans (2003) #s 35-37
  245. Batman/Santa Claus: Silent Knight Returns #5
  246. The Christmas Spirit of 1950: Darling’s First Christmas
  247. The Christmas Spirit of 1951: Joe Fix
  248. Outsiders (2003) #s 34-37
  249. Power Girl (2023) #1
  250. Nightwing (1996) #71
  251. Teen Titans (2003) #s 38-39
  252. Teen Titans (2003) #s 40-41
  253. Outsiders (2003) #s 38-43
  254. JSA (1999) #38
  255. Astonishing Spider-Man Infinity Comic #10
  256. The Gargoyle (1985) #1
  257. Teen Titans (2003) #s 42
  258. Outsiders (2003) #s 44-46
  259. Fantastic Four (1961) #1
  260. Teen Titans (2003) #s 43-50
  261. JSA (1999) #s 39-42
  262. Martian Manhunter (2015) #2
  263. JSA (1999) #s 43-45
  264. Fantastic Four (1961) #2
  265. It’s Jeff! Infinity Comic #41
  266. Rare Flavours #3
  267. Nightwing (1996) #72
  268. Star Wars: Darth Vader (2020) #s 1-5
  269. Rare Flavours #4
  270. Cover Story: The 2000 AD Design Art of Robin Smith
  271. Martian Manhunter (2015) #s 3-4
  272. Laura Kinney, Wolverine #1
  273. Teen Titans (2003) #s 51-55
  274. Nightwing (1996) #73
  275. Outsiders (2003) #50
  276. Outsiders: Five of a Kind – Nightwing/Captain Boomerang #1
  277. Outsiders: Five of a Kind – Shazam/Katana #1
  278. Outsiders: Five of a Kind – Martian Manhunter/Lightning #1
  279. Outsiders: Five of a Kind – Aquaman/Metamorpho #1
  280. Outsiders: Five of a Kind – Wonder Woman/Grace #1
  281. Martian Manhunter (2015) #s 5-6
  282. Batman and the Outsiders (2007) #s 1-9
  283. Fantastic Four (1961) #3
  284. Star Wars: Darth Vader (2020) #s 7-17
  285. Hulk (2008) #25 (First Jeff Parker issue)
  286. The Gargoyle (1985) #2
  287. Star Wars: Darth Vader (2020) #s 18-21
  288. Batman and the Outsiders (2007) #s 10-12
  289. Teen Titans (2003) #s 56-60
  290. Martian Manhunter (2015) #s 7-8
  291. JSA (1999) #s 45-48
  292. Astonishing X-Men Infinity Comic #5
  293. Marvel Rivals Infinity Comic #3
  294. Fantastic Four (1961) #4
  295. JSA (1999) #s 49-51
  296. Rare Flavours #s 5-6
  297. Judge Dredd: Regicide
  298. JLA Secret Files & Origins #2
  299. New Year’s Evil: Prometheus #1
  300. Teen Titans (2003) #s 61-66
  301. Terror Titans #1
  302. Teen Titans (2003) #67
  303. Terror Titans #s 2-6
  304. Outsiders (2007) #s 13-14
  305. Batman and the Outsiders Special #1
  306. Star Wars: Darth Vader (2020) #s 22-26
  307. Fantastic Four (1961) #5
  308. The Avengers (2023) #22
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Who, Where, But Mostly When?

The joke used to be, of course, that people couldn’t get used to writing the correct year on their checks for weeks (or months!) after New Year. That’s gone the way of all things flesh because, well, who writes checks for anything anymore? (I still have some in my office, of course, in case of emergency or the utter collapse of the internet… but we’d never be so lucky for that latter one to happen any time soon.) The strange thing for me, however, is that somewhere in my brain, it’s been 2025 for weeks before the year has even officially started,

I’d love to blame this on being really, really organized and prepared for the year that’s coming, but it’s more likely an after-effect of having almost entirely lost track of time in the past few months. I know that I’m not the only person who, writing this mid-December, feels as if it’s actually somewhere back in late October or maybe early November at the latest; I’ve spoken to enough people in the last couple of weeks who seem as surprised that it’s actually the holiday season as I am to confirm my company on this particular crazy train. But I’ve also been spending more time than I’d like to admit thinking about what lies ahead in the next 12 months that, on countless work documents in the past week, I’ve described our current time frame as December 2025.

That’s not all; in referring to the past 12 months in emails to people or multiple work scenarios, I’ve talked about it as 2025, and asked people what their favorite things have been in 2025, prompting more than one “I don’t know yet, what are you actually asking?” in response. (If only I knew the answer to that question, friends…) Maybe “2025” just sounds better in my head than “2024.” Perhaps I just wanted to skip out of the year that saw me turn 50 all the sooner, thinking that 51 is somehow preferable for a mysterious, probably non-existent reason. Who can tell why my brain does anything it does, at this point?

This sense of disorientation is something that, I can only hope, will lessen across the next few months with no holidays, conventions, and very little travel planned. As strange as it may seem, the space between January and March is as close to a “quiet period” as I get these days, for all manner of reasons; a time when other people need to settle into their new year and find their feet. Some of us, it turns out, have been living here for awhile already.

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Trying to Touch and Reach You with Heart and Soul

We’re close enough to the end of the year that I might as well finish up the 2024 playlist that I’ve shared once or twice during the year (okay, three times; it’s because I shared them in bunches of 50 songs at a time; there’s a formula!). As the year came to a close, I added less things to the playlist (intended to be new songs to me, or things I was becoming newly obsessed with after not listening to for awhile) because my attention was on things I’d already added, but nonetheless:

The actual playlist is here. If, by some strange circumstance, I add more songs between writing this post and the end of the year, you’ll find them here.