After a year of false starts and raised hopes that were ultimately dashed, and all manner of unpleasant and difficult opportunities that disappeared before too long, I’ve started quietly, behind-the-scenes, working on something new for January that I’m… cautiously excited about…? And that, my friends, is kind of the problem.
Not the excitement, I should quickly point out. It’s nice to get excited about things, especially after a year of being disappointed or having dreams dashed by the cruel glare of reality. There were times this year when I worried that I wouldn’t be able to get properly excited about new projects after seeing one after another “dream jobs” appear to disappear in front of my eyes, so it’s particularly rewarding and reassuring to feel this flush of eagerness regarding what lies ahead.
What’s got me nervous is the “cautious” bit. One of the problems with the multiple car crashes that defined by 2021 workload or lack thereof was that new things would appear as possibilities, and I’d go all out for them, only for them to disappear in one way or another, and each time, I thought to myself, if only you hadn’t counted your chickens before they’d hatched, you wouldn’t be quite so hurt and disappointed this time. Maybe not those exact words — really, who actually talks about chickens before they’ve hatched unless they’re in the hatching chickens business — but that general meaning, at least.
I know, rationally, that this new thing is not going to be the answer to any of my current woes in the short term, with the exception of giving me the opportunity to exercise some muscles I’ve not really had the opportunity to in awhile. I need to bear that in mind, though, as I work on this, and not get lost in the excitement only to crash and burn later when fame and fortune doesn’t arrive as a result. I mean, I know it won’t, but hope — for better or worse — continues to spring eternal.