You Say I’m Putting You On

As the weekend slowly comes over the horizon, I’m left to consider the fact that I’m tired. Not in the sense of sleepy tired, I hasten to add, although there’s a small sense of that in addition to everything else. (I suspect that I’ve been sleeping poorly the last few days purely because the weather has been so changeable; we had a heatwave last week, and now the temperature is in the low 40s at night, somehow. Portland’s summers are a strange trip every year, but this year, even more than usual.) Instead, it’s a tired that lives deep in the bones, resting quietly but firmly inside everything around me.

Part of this is that it’s been a full week in terms of work — in good ways, I hasten to add, despite a couple of drawbacks on things that I’d happily have done without — and I’m realizing relatively late in the week that I’ve been mentally “on” for so much of the time that I just, simply, need to take a break before I overheat. I’m not sure if this is something new since I stopped doing so much work for THR, or if I was just able to pace myself better when I wasn’t thinking about searching for work all the time; either way, it’s a tiring existence, and I’m ready for a weekend to put it behind me for a couple days.

There’s also just the exhaustion that comes from recovering from the past year — the past few years, really; every now and then, I pause and think about the fact that it’s been more than a year since everything went into lockdown, and that I can’t really remember the last time I went to a restaurant to eat there, or went to the movie theater. (Or even shopping for something that wasn’t groceries.) I know we’re headed toward something better now, even with the Delta Variants and everything else, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still in recovery from it all.

There are things to do this weekend: tasks to be handled, errands to be accomplished. That tires me out too, in advance. All I’m really ready for is watching Legendary and In The Heights; that is the kind of thing that’s going to take priority for the next couple days.

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