Tired, Stressed, Dehydrated

If anyone asks how my weekend went, this is what I’d want to tell them:

I spent much of Saturday and pretty much all of Sunday worried that my dog was going to die, or that something was very wrong with him; he had dental surgery last week, something that I was deeply worried about ahead of time because that was exactly what killed his brother a little over a year ago and the fear that history could repeat itself was real. In the days immediately following the surgery, he seemed to be okay and I thought that, maybe, just maybe, things had all worked out.

And then it was three days after the surgery, and he hadn’t eaten. I mean, he’d had a couple of bites of food, but otherwise, nothing. I’d been told his appetite would be back to normal by the day after, the second day for sure. So, the worry returned.

Of course, by this point, it was a Saturday — a Saturday afternoon, in fact, and his regular vet was closed, so I spent an hour or so calling other local vets who told me variations on, Oh, that doesn’t sound good at all, but we’re full up so we can’t see him, but he should probably be seen in case it’s something very serious indeed. Let me tell you, that did wonders for my mood. Eventually, one place told me to call the next morning to set up an appointment for that day, and promised they’d have space; I’d just have to keep trying to feed him in the meantime. He continued to refuse food.

Sunday came, after a restless night in which I tossed, turned, and enjoyed dreams where he got sick and died like his brother. I called and made an appointment, and felt restless and unable to relax while I waited for it. I overanalyzed everything the poor dog was doing the entire time: was he more energetic than normal? Did it mean something that he was drinking more water?

Turns out, the answer to that last question was yes: after a marathon session and a bunch of tests, it turned out that Gus was so dehydrated as a result of the anesthesia during the surgery, and that dehydration was in turn hindering his recovery. All of this was because of his age (he’s 14) and the simple fact that old dogs and surgery really don’t mix. He was given IV fluids, a dose of pain meds, and the hope was that he’ll start eating again within 24 hours or so.

By the time I got him home, it was after 9pm.

I feel like I didn’t have a weekend; I feel exhausted and stressed, still, and I’m still worried about his little dog self and will be until he eats. I’m wishing I had a weekend to recover, it it’s Monday morning and everything starts again right now. I’m very much not ready for the week.

Instead, if someone asks how my weekend was, I’ll probably just say it was fine, and ask them how theirs was.

It Pays Us All to Forgive

Still thinking about the new Blur album; I read a review that quoted an interview with Damon Albarn where he said, bluntly, that it was a sad album because he’s a sad 55-year-old, and that you don’t get to 55 years old without being sad unless you’re very lucky. That stuck with me for days after seeing it for the first time, playing on my mind as I listened obsessively over and over to an album that is, very clearly, about loss and missing people.

Those feelings are both something that I am all too familiar with; I’m not 55 yet, but close enough, perhaps — I’ll be 49 later this year — and also Scottish, which I feel is a shortcut to saying that I have a particularly melancholy disposition. That’s been especially true over the past year or so for reasons I’m not going to share publicly, but it does explain why I found myself nearly in tears while listening to “The Swan,” one of the tracks off the so-called “Deluxe” version of the album, the other day.

As self-conscious as I felt by the near-outburst — I was walking to the library in the middle of the day, which really doesn’t feel like the most appropriate time or place to just start crying, although perhaps that’s my age and upbringing showing, who knows? — there was something almost comforting about the whole thing, too: I felt so moved because there was some innate sense of recognition with the lyrics of the song, even if I couldn’t map my own life onto the them directly.

Nonetheless, there was something in the crack of Albarn’s voice as he sings, “Know that I will always be here for you/Even when I’m gone, gone from this world… What do you really want/What do you really need…?” that I understood deep inside my heart and my bones; a feeling of such intense recognition that it honestly, effortlessly, almost brought me to tears. There’s something to be said for the feeling that you’re not as alone in your feelings as you might think, sometimes.

The Comics of July 2023

Yet again, a comic convention left me… not really reading comics for a week, because so much was going on with everything else? Thankfully, I bounced back pretty strongly afterwards, even if I ended up reading a lot of Mark Millar comics towards the end of the month for no immediately apparent reason… Anyway: here are the comics I read in July.

  1. Green Arrow & Black Canary #s 1-30
  2. Justice League: Cry for Justice #s 1-7
  3. Justice League: The Rise and Fall Special #1
  4. Green Arrow & Black Canary #s 31-32
  5. Justice League of America (2006) #s 41-43
  6. Justice League: The Rise of Arsenal #s 1-4
  7. Green Arrow (2010) #1
  8. Titans: Villains for Hire Special #1
  9. Home Sick Pilots #s 1-15
  10. A Contract with God OGN
  11. Green Arrow (2010) #s 2-15
  12. Green Arrow: Rebirth #1
  13. Green Arrow 80th Anniversary Special #1
  14. Justice League (2018) #75
  15. Dark Crisis #0
  16. Tarzan of The Apes #s 207-214 (First Joe Kubert DC issues from 1972)
  17. Divinity II #s 1-4
  18. Divinity III: Stalinverse #s 1-4
  19. Divinity #0
  20. X-O Manowar (1992) #s 0, 1-2
  21. Ninjak (2015) #1-9
  22. X-O Manowar (2012) #s 1-8
  23. Daredevil (2022) #s 7-9
  24. Clobberin’ Time #1
  25. X-O Manowar (2012) #s 9-29
  26. Armor Hunters #s 1-4
  27. Unity (2014) #s 8-11
  28. Armor Hunters: Bloodshot #s 1-3
  29. Armor Hunters: Harbinger #s 1-3
  30. Armor Hunters: Aftermath #1
  31. X-O Manowar (2012) #s 30-38
  32. X-O Manowar Valiant 25th Anniversary Special #1
  33. Invincible Iron Man (2023) #4
  34. X-O Manowar (2012) #s 0, 39-50
  35. X-O Manowar 2016  Annual
  36. X-O Manowar: Commander Trill #1
  37. Bloodshot (2012) #s 1-9, 0
  38. Bloodshot and HARD Corps #s 0, 14-19, 22-23
  39. Bloodshot (2012) #s 24-25
  40. Bloodshot Reborn #s 1-13
  41. Bloodshot Reborn 2016 Annual
  42. Bloodshot Reborn #s 14-18
  43. Bloodshot USA #s 1-4
  44. Bloodshot Reborn #0
  45. Psi-Lords (2019) #s 1-8
  46. Nailbiter #s 1-15
  47. Nailbiter #s 16-25
  48. Room for Love OGN
  49. Nailbiter #s 26-30
  50. Rogues (2022) #s 1-4
  51. Aquaman/Green Arrow: Deep Target #s 1-7
  52. Aquaman: Andromeda #s 1-3
  53. The End of the Century Club: Countdown TPB
  54. The Sixth Gun #s 1-2
  55. Sinister Romance (1988) #1
  56. The Sixth Gun #3
  57. Four Color #882 (Alex Toth Zorro)
  58. Joe Fixit #4
  59. Wolverine (2020) #32
  60. Spider-Man (2022) #7
  61. Venom (2021) #18
  62. Immoral X-Men #3
  63. X Lives of Wolverine #s 1-5
  64. X Deaths of Wolverine #s 1-5
  65. Wolverine: Patch #1
  66. Danger Street #7
  67. The Sixth Gun #s 3-6
  68. Wolverine: First Class #1
  69. Gag! (1982) #1
  70. Titans (2008) #s 24-27
  71. The Sixth Gun #7
  72. Titans (2008) #s 28-38
  73. The Brave & The Bold (1955) #69
  74. Wolverine: First Class #s 2-6
  75. Superman vs. Meshi #1
  76. Wolverine: First Class #s 7-16
  77. Planet of the Apes (2023) #1
  78. Star Wars (2020) #33
  79. Star Wars: Crimson Reign #s 1-5
  80. Star Wars: Hidden Empire #s 1-5
  81. Wolverine: First Class #s 17-21
  82. The Second Death of Eddie Campbell OGN
  83. Sweet Paprika #1
  84. Void Rivals #2
  85. Local Man #1
  86. Mega-City Max #1
  87. Ninjak (2015) #s 10-15
  88. Local Man #s 2-5
  89. Ninjak (2015) #s 16-27, 0
  90. Ninja-K #s 1-5
  91. Coyote #1
  92. Ninja-K #s 6-9
  93. Ninja-K #s 10-14
  94. Shadowman (2012) #0, 1-16, 13X
  95. Shadowman: End Times #1-3
  96. Punk Mambo #0
  97. Ninjak (2021) #s 1-4
  98. Eternal Warrior (2013) #s 1-8
  99. A Terrified Child Played by Jeremy Strong #1
  100. Sweet Paprika #s 2-5
  101. The Death-Defying Doctor Mirage #1
  102. Fantastic Four (2022) #6
  103. Predator (2023) #s 1-2
  104. X-Men (2021) #s 20-21
  105. Captain Marvel (2019) #s 46-48
  106. Sweet Paprika #6
  107. Hallow’s Eve #2
  108. Captain America: Cold War Alpha #1
  109. Superman: The Last Days of Lex Luthor #1
  110. Knight Terrors #2
  111. Peacemaker Tries Hard #4
  112. Adventures of Superman: Jon Kent #6
  113. Justice Society of America (2022) #5
  114. Knight Terrors: Action Comics #1
  115. Knight Terrors: Angel Breaker #1
  116. Knight Terrors: Titans #1
  117. Knight Terrors: Harley Quinn #1
  118. Knight Terrors: Detective Comics #1
  119. Knight Terrors: Batman #2
  120. Knight Terrors: The Joker #2
  121. Knight Terrors: Ravager #2
  122. Knight Terrors: Black Adam #2
  123. Knight Terrors: Poison Ivy #2
  124. Strange Adventures (2019) #s 1-12
  125. The Punisher (2022) #11
  126. X-Force (2019) #39
  127. She-Hulk (2022) #12
  128. Conan the Barbarian (2023) #1
  129. My First Paying Job as a Comicker (Eddie Campbell/Phil Elliott collection)
  130. Heavy Rotation
  131. X-Men: Hellfire Gala (2023) #1
  132. Free Comic Book Day 2023: Avengers/X-Men #1
  133. Hellcat (2023) #2
  134. Justice League of America (1960) #s 171-172
  135. The New World: Comics from Mauretania (hardcover collection)
  136. Earth 2 (2012) #s 1-4
  137. The Vallars: Episode One (3W3M Substack comic)
  138. Temptation (collection of Glenn Dakin comics)
  139. Eden’s End (Morrison/Sharp Substack comic)
  140. Earth 2 (2012) #s 0, 5-8
  141. Knight Terrors #3
  142. Superman Annual (2023) #1
  143. Batman/Superman: World’s Finest #18
  144. Knight Terrors: Green Lantern #2
  145. Knight Terrors: The Flash #2
  146. Knight Terrors: Robin #2
  147. Knight Terrors: Shazam #2
  148. Knight Terrors: Zatanna #2
  149. Danger Street #8
  150. Knight Terrors: Superman #2
  151. Tales of the Titans #2
  152. Earth 2 #9
  153. Nemesis #s 1-4
  154. Nemesis Reloaded #s 1-5
  155. Knight Terrors: Catwoman #2
  156. Knight Terrors: Nightwing #2
  157. World’s Finest: Teen Titans #2
  158. Knight Terrors: Punchline #2
  159. Knight Terrors: Wonder Woman #2
  160. The Authority (1999) #s 13-29
  161. The Ultimates (2002) #s 1-2
  162. The Great Unwashed (Collection of Pleece Brothers material)
  163. The Ultimates (2002) #s 3-6
  164. Irredeemable #s 1-8
  165. The Ultimates (2002) #s 7-13
  166. The Ultimates 2 (2004) #s 1-2
  167. Invincible Iron Man (2022) #5
  168. Hulk (2021) #14
  169. Wasp (2023) #4
  170. Daredevil (2022) #10
  171. The Ultimates 2 (2004) #3-13