I am, I’ve discovered, a practitioner of a particular form of procrastination ; one that I didn’t even realize I was doing for the longest time, but also one that is (worryingly) deceptively convincing to fall for. I am someone who doesn’t actually do a thing, but thinks that they have, and so certain things just… don’t get done.
That’s not the full story, of course. What actually happens is this: I have a task that needs done — and this is always “a task that needs done,” as opposed to something that just pops up or happens — and, because I think about it for a second and identify what needs to be done, part of my brain just moves it to the file marked “completed” and moves on. Because I’ve identified the problem, the problem is solved, my head goes, and that’s that. Even though, you know, the actual practical aspect of the whole thing, that whole “really doing it” part, hasn’t actually taken place.
This is a trap that I build for myself over and over again, without knowing it. Why were there uncashed checks lying on my desk for three weeks? Because I had thought, oh, I need to take those to the bank and then assumed it had already been taken care of. What about the library books that were overdue for pick up? Well, I’d remembered that I needed to do it, so it was as if it was already done, right? Right?
I’m not entirely sure what this says about me, beyond the fact that I clearly conceptualize tasks as being primarily problems to be solved in my head and then everything that follows is an unnecessary afterthought, but it’s something I need to work on if I want to, you know, stay financially solvent and avoid late fees on everything in my life on a regular basis.
For now, just know that if I’m late or seemingly absent from an obligation we’ve agreed on, chances are I’ve already given it some thought and then just moved on, unwittingly. That’s got to be worth something, surely.
