Category: Uncategorized

For whatever reason, I’ve been re-reading comics from my youth lately that could charitably be considered as “mid-level” in terms of both quality and relative importance to the publishing lines to which they belonged when they were release, and it’s left me with less of a nostalgic attachment than I would have expected, but instead a simple question: Whatever happened to shitty, pointless superhero comics?

Don’t get me wrong; we’re still surrounded by shitty superhero comics today. Just go into any comic book store and you’ll see more than you can shake any number of sticks at. I’m not arguing for a second that we’ve stepped into an era where every single superhero comics is inherently good in any real manner (although I’d argue that even the worst have a level of quality that’s somehow above the worst of days gone by, somehow. Don’t ask me why, it doesn’t really make sense if I stop to think about it).

What I really mean is, in re-reading all these comics from the 1990s, I was struck by the number of times I read an issue that didn’t seem to have any kind of intent behind it other than “let’s just try and get through another month together.” Stories in which nothing happens, sure, but also where there’s no actual attempt to tell a story with a beginning, middle, or end — or even some form of continuation of a bigger idea. Stories in which there aren’t really any ideas, in fact, just creators desperately and clearly trying to get to the end of their page count for the month.

And all of this is happening in series where the central character has… no real personality…? This is a particular problem to superhero comics, I feel, and especially superhero comics from the 1980s and ’90s, where central characters were almost intentionally bland copies of the Spider-Man template, because that’s what creators grew up reading and loving; they’re reactive, passive-aggressive quip machines who complain about situations but end up doing the right thing eventually and magically save the day. But there’s nothing to them, beyond that. They’re just… there.

None of this should be taken as condemnations of what were, to be honest, comics that probably should be condemned; I enjoyed them for what they were, relics of another time and another approach to comics that I grew up with but can recognize with some distance now. More than anything, it’s recognition that we’ve lost something in today’s superhero comics: a celebration of mediocrity and hackwork that, in so many words, I kind of wish we could see back to some degree.

It was, in retrospect, a moment of innocent optimism that led me to believe that losing momentum was going to be a good thing when we got home at 2:30am on a Sunday, after just over 24 hours of travel. (Well, a lot of that included an extended layover in JFK airport, but you know what I mean.) My head at the time was exhausted, sure, but also buzzing the way it does after I’ve been on the go for too long, as if it was literally in motion despite what the rest of my body was doing. I felt dizzy and tired, and I remember thinking to myself, finally, we get to stop. I get to stop for awhile.

Turns out, that wasn’t a good thing, after all.

Don’t get me wrong; not traveling has been great — as much as the UK trip was filled with good things and family and a lot that I’m already looking back on fondly, it felt like almost constant motion: even on the rare occasions when it wasn’t a day when I was traveling somewhere or about to, my brain was in the mode of, “okay, but in a couple of days, we have to catch this car to get to this airport” and so on. Not having that in the back of my mind for the last few days as I write has been wonderful.

The problem is, I’ve realized that I’ve also lost the momentum of my everyday life, and that’s a hard one to deal with. It’s not simply the jet lag, which took a couple of days to arrive and then stuck around like a bad smell; it’s that I spent the first week or so back struggling to get through my workday, because I’d lost the weird rhythm that I’ve become used to. That week off — actually just three and a half days, as it turned out, but a lot happened in those three and a half days — broke all the everyday magic spells I’d unthinkingly constructed to travel through the day easily, and everything for those days just felt impossibly, unreasonably hard.

“I’ve lost momentum,” I’d tell anyone who asked, feeling the irony in those words even as they came out my mouth.

Continuing with the confounding of expectations on the UK trip, I embarrassedly confess that I expected the Scottish leg of the visit to have been far less emotional on every single front; I knew, of course, going in that it was a flying visit (literally, if you consider how we arrived and left): we flew in Tuesday afternoon and left Friday morning, which is far shorter than it sounds initially. Realistically, that translates into just two days there with timing a little bit fuzzier around the edges. That was, of course, not that long, but I still figured something was better than nothing, and it’s not like we could have gotten away with extending the trip any longer than the 11 days it was already lasting — there’s a home and a family to tend to back in Portland, after all.

The bit I didn’t expect, honestly, was how much I wouldn’t want to leave by the time Friday rolled around: how painfully short the visit to reconnect with family would feel, and how much I’d want to stay and talk more, hang out more, just be there with them for longer. It’s not just my two sisters I’m talking about, obviously, but their spouses and offspring — all of whom are actual people now as opposed to the babies and kids they were the last time I was there. (More than a decade ago, to put it in context.) We had dinner on Tuesday, and spent all of Thursday together, as well as Friday morning — Wednesday we spent in Glasgow, again catching up with people I hadn’t seen in a decade-plus — but it didn’t feel like enough time.

I left them at the airport, more than slightly heartbroken, and happy that plans are already in place for a November return. (Another work-related UK trip.) We’ll do Zoom calls in the meantime, just as we have done over the past few years while I’ve not been able to visit, but now I know how unlike the real thing that is. I left Scotland with this need to return, with this sadness for stepping away, again.

(And no, my accent genuinely didn’t get any stronger during the visit. Who knew?)

Airports are liminal spaces at the best of times, by design; they’re very literally places where you’re meant to pass through almost frictionlessly — with the obvious exceptions of security and check-ins, of course. Having recently traveled back from the UK in a trip that included an extended, unintentional layover of nearly seven hours, I can report that John F. Kennedy Airport in New York City might be the most liminal of all spaces.

By somewhere around the end of the second hour in the airport, I was lying on the floor, my head propped up on one of my carry-on, staring at the stenciled graphics on the ceiling above me. We were only meant to have three hours or so there before boarding the next (and final) flight on our journey home, but the fates had decided otherwise. Within minutes of checking bags and being told, “Your flight is on time, get through security and head for Gate 9,” the board displayed an update: the flight was suddenly delayed 90 minutes. That wouldn’t be the last update throughout the evening.

At some point — hour three, perhaps? Hour four? — it just felt as if I’d always been there. By that point, even the concept of “there” felt like a malleable one: I went into a store for a snack and saw the “I[HEART]NY” logo everywhere and had a brief instant of, Weird. Why would they do that? before remembering, that’s right: I’m actually in New York at the moment, kind of. The idea of any place existing that wasn’t JFK just felt… almost impossible.

Eventually, the plane left, and so did we. But if you told me that it was all a fantasy, and that I really was still there, lying on the floor and wondering if I’d ever leave, I might actually believe you.

If I’m honest, I’m not sure if I could have properly described any particular expectations for the Star Wars Celebration portion of the UK trip ahead of time. I knew, for example, that I was likely going to have to deal with jet lag, and I also knew that it was going to be an unusual show to cover; I went to Star Wars Celebration in Chicago a few years back, and I remembered that it was a very odd beast — a show very much weighted towards the beginning of events, opening with a big panel that would break the biggest news, with everything getting progressively less interesting to non-Star Wars fans as it went on.

I also, thanks to my optimism, suspected that it would be a light show, so to speak — one where there wasn’t that much to cover, and with a five-person team there, I’d find myself with lots of free time to go exploring London. Such optimism, as it turns out, was not matched by the reality of the situation, which arguably saw me more present at the show than most shows I’ve attended in recent years, thanks to an unexpected wrinkle that emerged just before leaving for the UK: Morning Queue.

As the name suggests, Morning Queue is helping the lines of con-goers enter the show in the morning. It’s not part of my job description, technically, but Popverse is owned by ReedPop, who organizes SWC for Lucasfilm, and we were all invited to help out on Morning Queue this time around. I’ll be honest: I actually really enjoyed the couple of days I did it; there’s something genuinely fun for me in helping answer people’s questions and directing them to whichever line they needed to stand in depending on where they were going first. If nothing else, the people watching was second to none.

Unfortunately, there’s a drawback to Morning Queue: in order to get there on time, I had to leave the hotel at 6am, which meant getting up around 5 so that I could shower and get ready… all of which happening while I’m struggling through jet lag which was waking me up around 2 or 3 after a few fitful hours of sleep. In other words, Morning Queue and jet lag conspired to keep me utterly exhausted; by the time I’d finished that, it was time to head to my first panel at 10am, and then I’d be working through until 6 or 7 at night. Factor in travel time — or simply just delays for whatever reason — and it was around 8pm when I’d get back to the hotel, giving me just enough time to eat room service for dinner, then go to bed, to get up at 5 the next morning, and do it all again.

The end result is, by the time the show ended on Monday evening, all I’d seen of London was the route to and from the hotel and convention center. Not quite what you’d want from one of the world’s greatest cities, to be honest.

If you’re wondering how the UK trip is going so far, this was the most explosive moment of last Friday. And I mean literally explosive.

Who needs to recharge their phone, right? Or, you know, have a working power adapter that can keep everything else working properly in this country?

I am, famously, terrible at taking compliments.

I used to believe this was part of my societal make-up purely from coming from Scotland, a country where it’s far more accepted — and arguably more fun — to take the piss out of yourself as a defense mechanism than to boast of your accomplishments… or, really, acknowledge them in any real manner, outside of a noncommittal shrug and attempt to quickly change the subject. And, don’t get me wrong, I’m sure that’s a significant factor in the who I ended up being today, because how could it not…? However. However.

I’ve had conversations with other people from Scotland, and elsewhere in the UK, about our inability to take compliments, and how we navigate it; I’ve also had conversations with a number of Americans about the same subject, and the ways in which the British method — essentially, just deny everything and pretend that whoever said the complimentary thing is objectively wrong — might actually be rude when you really think about it. And through all of this, I kept thinking one thing: there are some compliments I’m actually okay with.

Specifically, they’re compliments about things that come second nature to me; things that I don’t even think of as being worth noting, never mind complimenting. I am, for whatever reason, good at liveblogging or livetweeting events; I’ve been complimented on that many times, most recently at Emerald City Comic-Con earlier this month, and when that happens, I find myself surprisingly able to say thank you, and move on. No dissembling or argument; I just acknowledge it and say thank you.

What’s the difference? I’m unsure. Is it that if I don’t try, I don’t feel self-conscious if something notices me? Perhaps, but that just makes me embarrassed to consider. Maybe that’s more of the Scottishness that I hadn’t thought about coming out.

As you read this, I’m likely hurtling through the air. Actually, maybe not; time zones are hard. I think I might actually have landed in the UK by the time you’re reading this…? Well, I definitely will if you’re reading it an hour or so after it’s published. Go with me here — this is far from an exact science.

(I say that, but the passage of time and time zones are, strictly speaking, a pretty exact science. So it goes.)

My point being: I’m in the UK for the next week and a half for work — well, the first half of the trip is all for work, and it’s also the entire reason there’s a trip to the UK at all. I’m covering Star Wars Celebration, a four-day event in London that’ll be filled to the brim with all things Star Wars; I did the same show in Chicago four years ago for THR, and it feels especially weird to be back doing it again for Popverse in an entirely different country. The more things change, I guess…?

The second half of the trip is seeing family — and introducing Chloe to my family in person for the first time, as well as introducing Chloe to Scotland for the first time, too. It’s my first time back there in over a decade, and it’s far too fast for my liking; we basically leave two days after arriving, and so won’t get to see… well, anyone outside of my family, most likely. (Sorry, anyone reading this who hoped to see us.)

I’m excited to go to the UK again, and pre-emptively exhausted by the travel and the work and the constant movement while we’re there. It feels suitable to feel conflicted about going home again. Ask me how I feel about the whole thing when I’m back, though.

The dog has been particularly reactive to the outside world, lately. He’s an anxious dog at the best of times, but in the Spring and Summer, that gets almost incomparably worse because there’s so much activity outside and almost every noise he hears makes him panic. The worst noise of all, it turns out, is the sound of ladders being set up or taken down; whenever that happens anywhere near the house — by which I mean, honestly, anywhere within a one block radius, because dogs have really good hearing — he goes into full-on, running-around-the-house freak-out mode. He runs throughout all the rooms, barking and sounding the alarm: there are ladders close by. We should watch out and be prepared for invasion.

I mention all of this not to make fun of the dog, although there’s no small amount of humor to the whole thing; instead, I bring it up because there’s an unexpected side-effect of dealing with all of this, which is: now I have found myself surprisingly reactive to sounds around the house.

That’s not to say that I’m also running around the house sounding alerts at the smallest provocation (nor that I’d even be tempted to do such a thing; it sounds like far too much work, for one thing), but I can’t deny that my ears perk up when I recognize particular sounds outside the house — especially ladders, it’s true — and I find myself tensing, waiting for the dog to run through and bark in alarm. I feel as if my hearing has ended up being supercharged by the whole thing, much to my amusement, making me wonder both what other sense is going to start failing to balance our this newly enhanced hearing, and also whether this background awareness of everything around me is what it feels like to be Daredevil from Marvel comics.

It’s a cliche to say that people become like their dogs the longer they’re together, I know; I just didn’t think it would happen like this.

I’m not entirely sure how to describe what I spent the last week or so doing, outside of the usual everyday “work and eating and cleaning just to get through the day” existence. The phrase “Taking care of business” is both apt and descriptive, but also sounds like the kind of euphemism preferred by shitty trailers for shitty movies from the 1980s to refer to some romantic and/or sexual congress that will ultimately fail to happen for reasons that are, apparently, hilarious and touching.

And yet, I have been taking care of business: I’ve had to book flights and hotels for the upcoming UK trip — which included actually sitting down and working out where and when said flights and hotels need to be, and how expensive that would be without breaking the bank (spoilers, I failed that last part; international travel is not cheap, friends.) — as well as work out just what the fuck I was going to do about taxes this year after the surprise retirement of my accountant after something like a decade of faithful service. That’s not including various behind-the-scenes elements of my job that also include reimbursements and travel plans and the like. I’ve been planning the important plans; I really, genuinely have been taking care of something that could easily and deservedly be called “the business.”

It’s been exhausting.

Here’s the thing; I am very bad at doing these things. Or, more correctly, I’m very good at doing them but none of it comes naturally. I don’t have the important mix of macro and micro focuses such things need to work properly, at least in the measures necessary to do it right; I get hung up on the strangest details and have to unplug my head after awhile because I start thinking like a journalist — “why is this the case, let me follow this thread” — instead of, you know, just completing the task. As a result, everything takes a little bit longer to finish than it probably should, but there’s an upside: everything else I accomplish while distracting myself from the task at hand.

(That sounds like a joke, but it’s not; in avoiding finishing taxes, I managed to clean a bathroom and the kitchen, sweep the stairs and the entire first floor, and take out the trash and the recycling. Would that I could be so productive on other occasions.

I tell you all of this because, as I type this, I have finished everything that’s been hanging over me for… the past couple of months or so…? I can’t quite believe it’s true, but I take comfort in one horrifying fact: there’s going to be more to deal with almost as soon as I finish this sentence. That’s how it works, these days.