Which is not to say I wasn’t nervous, by the way. I was terrified. I had no idea I’d be as nervous as I was. I’ve done storytelling shows before, and those are a bit nervewracking, but this was something else entirely. Storytelling shows have a sort of implicit sanction: If it happened to you, it’s interesting. Last night, I wasn’t just relating a personal experiences—I was sharing sentences I constructed in the hopes of to eliciting a specific physical reaction from the crowd. If that reaction didn’t happen—if no one laughed—it would be because I was doing a bad job. Period.
My friend Alison Hallett does stand-up open-mic despite being terrified of public speaking, and then writes about it. I cannot tell you how in awe of her I am for this. No sarcasm; I am utterly mortified at the prospect of doing this, and for her to just do it despite the fear? So so impressive.