If I Scream It, I Mean It

When I started this, I was just going to embed a Spotify playlist in this post, but for some reason, WordPress and Spotify don’t want to play nice together right now, so instead, I’ll just link the playlist here, and instead just list the tracks.

My idea was, simply, to offer an introduction to Super Furry Animals, one of my favorite bands and one that — as I’ve recently written — acts as an unexpected key to the way my brain works. They were active from the early 1990s through about a decade ago, although their core period was probably from the release of their first album Fuzzy Logic in 1996 through 2003’s Phantom Power; this playlist goes all the way up to their last full album, just because I’m that nerd. I’ve nonetheless tried to keep it reasonably contained — it’s just 24 songs, and runs a little over 90 minutes, because pop music.

  1. Hometown Unicorn
    2. Fuzzy Birds
    3. Something for the Weekend

All three of the above were from that debut album, Fuzzy Logic, and you can hear a band that is simultaneously unsure about who they are, and confident enough to push at the edges of the dominant Britpop sound of the moment. (“Hometown Unicorn”‘s prog-inspired guitar solo! “Fuzzy Birds” ending with a folk flourish!)

4. The Man Don’t Give A Fuck

A b-side that was excised from the single it was intended for because of rights issues — it’s based around a sample of “Showbiz Kids” by Steely Dan, who initially didn’t give clearance quickly enough, as the story goes — it subsequently became a single in its own right, and an anthem that let would be fans know exactly who the band was at that moment in time.

5. The International Language of Screaming
6. Hermann Loves Pauline
7. Demons

Three songs from Radiator from 1997. By this point, not only was the band settling into its particular musical groove — taking influences from all over the place, predominantly outside of the Britpop norm while remaining firmly pop music — but my fandom was firmly in place. I’d seen them live just ahead of the release of this album, and “Demons” was introduced by lead singer Gruff Rhys asking the crowd if they could applaud after he’d sung the first line even though we didn’t know the song. “I want to feel like Frank Sinatra singing ‘New York, New York,'” he explained. (We obliged, of course.)

8. Ice Hockey Hair

The lead track of an EP released between Radiator and the next album, Guerrilla, and a song that I remember drove my then-best friend away from his own fandom of the band, purely because a vocoder was used for the verses. It’s strange what things we will, and won’t, accept from bands sometimes.

9. Citizen’s Band
10. Night Vision
11. The Teacher
12. Fire in My Heart

All four songs from Guerrilla, which came out in 1999. It’s a weird, messy third album, as third albums tend to be — bands are struggling to prove themselves on the first, confident to varying degrees and filled with the need to find their voice on the second, and then the third is the one where they go, “Wait, do I do more of this or something different now?” Guerrilla is uneven and disunified, but there’s some great songs on there — including “Citizen’s Band,” one of my favorite SFA tracks overall, which was originally hidden as the secret bonus track you could only find if you tried to rewind from the first track on the CD. Technology!

13. Sidewalk Serfer Girl
14. (Drawing) Rings Around the World
15. It’s Not The End of the World?

2001’s Rings Around the World might be the band’s most complete, most coherent album; it came out around the time I was traveling back and forth to the US for the first few times, and I have really clear memories about listening to it a lot on my Discman — oh yes — while walking the streets of San Francisco. Both “Sidewalk Serfer Girl” and “(Drawing) Rings Around the World” were most definitely personal soundtrack songs for a long time, while “It’s Not The End of the World?” feels oddly fitting given that I was listening to this a lot in the aftermath of 9/11 and everything that possessed the world around that time.

16. Slow Life
17. Golden Retriever
18. Liberty Belle

By the time we get to 2003’s Phantom Power, things are beginning to fracture; it feels at once like the second half of Rings Around the World and somehow a lesser album, as if the band themselves are starting to get tired and in the need to do other things. That said, “Slow Life” is perhaps the song they’d been trying to make for years. The closer to the album, it might as well have acted as a final statement on something greater.

19. Zoom!
20. Lazer Beam
21. Psyclone!

I still remember how excited I was for 2005’s Love Kraft, where all three of these songs come from; I was working at the call center in San Francisco, and I had the CD in my bag waiting for me to listen for the first time on the way home. I was so disappointed that it didn’t give me the same excitement that all of the earlier SFA albums had, although I still love these three songs very, very much. One of the fun things about the recent “deluxe” reissues of those earlier albums are the unreleased and demo tracks included on them, which reveal that “Lazer Beam” had been something that had been in the works for almost a decade by the time this album came out, as an incomplete jam called “John Spex.” (Versions of it show up on the deluxe versions of both Guerilla and Rings Around the World.)

22. Suckers!
23. Neo Consumer
24. Crazy Naked Girls

And so we come to the somewhat slow decline of the band, with tracks from their last two official albums, 2007’s Hey Venus! and 2009’s Dark Days/Light Years. (“Suckers!” and “Neo Consumer” come from the former, “Crazy Naked Girls” from the latter.) Both albums, to me, sound like a band that’s going through the motions and want to be elsewhere, bereft of the playfulness that marked their best work; to be fair, by this point, they all had other bands or solo projects they were working on, so it’s very possible that they did want to be elsewhere.

The band came back for a reunion single in 2016, “Bing Bong,” which is… fine…? Otherwise, I’m happy to let them go off and follow their individual muses as they see fit. What they came up with for that decade-and-a-bit together is more than enough for me. And now you get to see if it’s enough for you, too.


The Comics of August 2023

Oddly enough, I found myself tired of reading at one point this month; specifically, tired of reading comics, so I’d happily kill time writing something for work loosely, or reading the news or analysis of the news or whatever, but… reading comics…? I’d lost the appetite. Thankfully, it came back before too long. Maybe I was really just burned out on my specific choice of reading material for awhile. Who knows?

  1. Sins of Sinister: Dominion #1
  2. Ultimate Avengers #s 1-6
  3. Ultimate Avengers 2 #s 1-6
  4. Ultimate Avengers 3 #s 1-6
  5. The Cull #1
  6. Marvel Knights Spider-Man #s 1-4
  7. G.I. Joe (1982) #s 1-2
  8. Marvel Knights Spider-Man #s 5-6
  9. Cartoon Show (Derek M. Ballard strip collection)
  10. Dwellings #1
  11. Marvel Knights Spider-Man #s 7-12
  12. New X-Men (1991) #114
  13. Superman and the Authority #s 1-4
  14. Batman/Superman: The Authority Special #1
  15. Dark Knights of Steel #s 1-11
  16. Suicide Squad (2019) #1
  17. A-1 (1989) #s 1-2
  18. Suicide Squad (2019) #s 2-6
  19. Mech Cadets #1
  20. Suicide Squad (2019) # 7-11
  21. Incredible Hulk (1999) #s 106-108
  22. World War Hulk #s 1-2
  23. Incredible Hulk (1999) #s 109-111
  24. World War Hulk #s 3-5
  25. World War Hulk: Aftersmash #1
  26. Damn Them All #1
  27. Illuminati (2015) #1
  28. Thor (1966) #s 206-207
  29. Avengers (1963) #s 183-184
  30. Transformers Classic: UK Vol. 1 (Collected edition)
  31. Earth 2 (2012) #s 10-14, Annual #1
  32. Earth 2 (2012) #s 15-26, Annual #2
  33. Earth 2: World’s End #1
  34. Thor (2007) #s 1-4
  35. Spider-Man: Reign #s 1-3
  36. Alec: The King Canute Club
  37. Immortal X-Men #11
  38. Spider-Man (2022) #8
  39. Joe Fixit #5
  40. Thor (2007) #s 5-10
  41. Angst Farm #1
  42. Batman/Catwoman: Gotham War – Battlelines #1
  43. Batman (2016) #137
  44. Batman: The Brave and the Bold (2023) #3
  45. WildC.A.T.s (2022) #1
  46. WildC.A.T.s (2022) #s 2-5
  47. Wildstorm 30th Anniversary Special #1
  48. WildC.A.T.s (2022) #s 6-10
  49. Thor (2007) #s 11-12, 600
  50. Thor (2020) #27
  51. Void Rivals #3
  52. Thor (2020) #s 28-29
  53. Batman Incorporated (2022) #1
  54. Knight Terrors: Night’s End #1
  55. Action Comics presents: Doomsday Special #1
  56. Batman Incorporated (2022) #s 2-7
  57. Captain Midnight (2013) #0
  58. Doctor Who: The Twelfth Doctor #s 1-5
  59. Captain Midnight (2013) #s 1-3
  60. Nostalgia #s 1-5
  61. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Last Ronin #s 1-5
  62. Dark Knights of Steel #12
  63. Knight Terrors #4
  64. Batman: The Brave and The Bold #4
  65. Knight Terrors: Angel Breaker #2
  66. Knight Terrors: Titans #2
  67. Knight Terrors: Harley Quinn #2
  68. Knight Terrors: Action Comics #2
  69. Knight Terrors: Detective Comics #2
  70. The Penguin (2023) #1
  71. Voodoo (1997) #s 1-4
  72. X-Men/Alpha Flight (1985) #1
  73. Alpha Flight (2011) #s 0, 1-4
  74. Codename: Knockout #0
  75. All Star Superman #s 1-12
  76. Alpha Flight (2011) #s 5-8
  77. Gender Queer: A Memoir
  78. Wolverine (2020) #33
  79. The Invincible Iron Man (2022) #6
  80. X-Men Red (2022) #11
  81. Captain Marvel (2019) #49
  82. The Amazing Spider-Man (2022) #s 23-25
  83. The Authority (2003) #s 1-4
  84. The Authority (2003) #s 0, 5-14
  85. The Authority/The Authority: The Lost Year #s 1-12
  86. The Authority: World’s End #1
  87. Shazam! (2023) #3
  88. Birds of Prey (2023) #1
  89. Fire and Ice: Welcome to Smallville #1
  90. Justice Society of America (2022) #6
  91. Peacemaker Tries Hard! #5
  92. Blue Beetle (2023) #1
  93. The Authority: World’s End #s 2-17
  94. The Unseen Hand #s 1-4
  95. Deadline USA Vol. 2 #s 1-4
  96. Thor: The Trial of Thor #1
  97. Thor (2007) #s 601-603
  98. Thor Giant-Sized Finale #1
  99. Thor (2007) #s 604-621
  100. Deadline USA Vol. 2 #s 5-8
  101. Scarlet Witch (2022) #s 1-4
  102. Destroyer Duck #s 1-3
  103. Fantastic Four (2022) #7
  104. X-Force (2019) #40
  105. X-Men (2021) #22
  106. She-Hulk (2022) #13
  107. Venom (2021) #19
  108. Guardians of the Galaxy (2023) #2
  109. Scarlet Witch (2022) #5
  110. Scarlet Witch Annual (2023) #1
  111. Hulk Annual (2023) #1
  112. Hey Kids! Comics! Vol. 2: Prophets #s 1-6
  113. Survival Geeks (2000 AD strip collection)
  114. Batman and Robin (2023) #1
  115. Danger Street #9
  116. Green Lantern (2023) #3
  117. World’s Finest: Teen Titans #3
  118. Petrolhead #1
  119. Survival Geeks: Crisis of Infinite Nerds (2000 AD strip collection)
  120. The Mean Arena #1 (2000 AD strip collection)
  121. Rare Flavours: Tasting Menu ashcan
  122. Pandora Perfect TPB (2000 AD strip collection)
  123. Moon Knight (2021) #1
  124. Bricktop A1 Special #1
  125. Moon Knight (2021) #s 2-20
  126. X-Force/Champions Annual #1
  127. Moon Knight (2021) #s 21-23
  128. Justice League: A Midsummer’s Nightmare #1
  129. The Riverside Companion #s 1-3 (Kevin Huizenga minis)
  130. Crime Destroyer: True Till Death (Shaky Kane one-shot)
  131. The Worst (Molly Mendoza mini)
  132. Fielder #1 (Huizenga)
  133. Gag! (2023) #2
  134. JLA #s 43-58 
  135. Classic X-Men #s 1-32
  136. X-Men/Alpha Flight (1998) #1
  137. The Immortal Thor #1
  138. Justice League (2016) #s 34-43
  139. Fury (2023) #1
  140. Hellcat (2023) #3
  141. Justice League Elite #s 1-2
  142. Justice League Elite #s 3-12
  143. Steelworks #s 2-3
  144. Batman/Superman: World’s Finest #19
  145. Titans (2023) #3
  146. Wonder Woman (2023) #1
  147. Superman (2023) #6
  148. Nightwing (2016) #106
  149. Catwoman (2019) #57
  150. Green Lantern: War Journal #1
  151. Silver Surfer: Rebirth #s 1-5
  152. Warlock: Rebirth #s 1-2
  153. Silver Surfer (1987) #123
  154. Transformers (2023) #1
  155. Silver Surfer (1987) #s 125-138
  156. Doctor Strange (2023) #2
  157. Doctor Strange (1974) #64
  158. Not Brand Ecch #11
  159. Doctor Strange (1974) #47
  160. G.O.D.S. #1
  161. Starlight #s 1-6
  162. Huck #s 1-6
  163. The Ambassadors #s 1-6

A Passing Thought

I’m struggling with an idea that popped into my head a few weeks back, when thinking about work stuff. Namely: did the comic industry secretly peak in the late 1980s and we didn’t notice?

There are, of course, any number of things to truly appreciate about the comics industry today that didn’t exist back then — things like webcomics, the success and scale of the manga audience and how disconnected it is from what used to be called the “mainstream” of superhero comics, crowdfunding and how creates an opportunity for work that wouldn’t otherwise be funded — and I don’t mean to discount those things fully, nor ignore the shift in publishing opportunities provided by the bookstore market. And yet…

And yet, I think about the number of independent publishers of the late ‘80s that just don’t exist anymore; I think about a breadth of subject matter that I feel isn’t really published inside the “official” publishing industry for the most part, and how the bigger publishers were ultimately more willing to experiment on a regular basis in a way that they just don’t anymore. It’s not just that no-one could really imagine DC publishing Angel Love today, it’s that there’s nothing at Marvel even approaching the attitude of Epic, no Harrier Comics or Eclipse or anything even close to it.

All of this was in my head as I saw someone on BlueSky complaining that, without that 1990s mainstay Wizard Magazine, there’s no central hub of fandom to pull readers to more obscure works, and I got to thinking, remember when there was Speakeasy magazine, or The Comics Journal covered everything and believed that readers would be as curious about Don Rosa as they were Steve Gerber?

I’m romanticizing the past, of course, ignoring the patience for mediocrity and homogeneous creative talent for the most part in doing so, but… there’s something in there that sticks around in my head as if it’s some secret truth. Did comics have their heyday decades ago, and it’s taken me this long to notice?

Good News/Let-Down

The dog is… fine, perhaps…? He’s old, and he’s got old dog things wrong with him, which is how it was more or less explained to me, but anything more serious has thankfully, inexplicably, been avoided despite the blood test that sent alarm bells ringing last week. There was another blood test done to check this, and he had his belly shaved and some radiography done as well just in case. It’s been “looked into,” and he’s… okay…?

I found out via phone call. I’d spent the days before his appointment with an increasing sense of doom and foreboding, as if I knew definitively that this was the beginning of the end (if not the end of the end), and I’d been told that I’d get a call with updates during the appointment when I’d dropped him off that morning. Before it came, I’d look at the phone, accusatorially, daring it to ring and give me the bad news: come on, just do it. Just tell me.

But instead, the call was a surprisingly happy doctor giving me the good news. I remember thinking at the time, she sounds happier and more relieved than I am with some sense of wonderment. I couldn’t tell if I was surprised by the seeming lack of professionalism or touched by how much she cared more; all things considered, it’s a nice thing to have to call a draw in.

Even more surprising was how it felt afterwards: an unexpected sense of anti-climax that all it took was one phone call and everything was done, bar a follow-up appointment. I’d spent days thinking the worst, feeling the worst, and it was suddenly just gone. I was happy, I was relieved, but also, there was this very clear feeling of, Is that it? Am I just supposed to move on now? I try, and instead, I write this to exorcise those feelings and share how it actually feels.

“Dressed up Pretentiously”

It’s pretentious to say, “Oh, this came to me in a dream,” but this actually did: I had a dream wherein there were new editions of Eddie Campbell’s various Alec books, all newly re-sized and consistent. This was what the cover of How to be an Artist looked like in the dream. Maybe my subconsciousness is trying to will new editions of Alec into the world.

A Dog In This Fight

Last week was one that taught me the value of that whole, “don’t count your chickens before they’ve hatched” nonsense. You’ll remember, dear reader, that I’d shared my experience about taking the dog to the vet after his dental surgery a couple weeks back…? On the Tuesday of last week, he had his follow-up appointment, which proved to be a scary, difficult proposition: his weight had fallen significantly because he still wasn’t eating enough, and he wasn’t shitting well, either, The vet and I talked options while the dog sat there and shook in quiet terror; a plan of action was devised, blood was taken for tests, and we parted with everyone having a sense of what to do (as well as, on my end, no small amount of medication to give the dog).

Turns out, the dog had a sense of what to do, himself. Immediately following the appointment, he started eating well again. Even before I’d started giving him the medicine, his appetite miraculously returned, and his shits returned to normal. Across the next two days, I watched as he inexplicably returned to normal in seemingly every way. Had the vet visit scared him straight…? I didn’t really care: he was eating again, he was shitting again. Everything was good. On Thursday night, I told Chloe that I felt that I could stop worrying about him for the first time since his surgery, two weeks earlier. I felt a physical sense of relief.

This, of course, was my mistake.

On Friday, I heard from the vet that the blood work was back and it was not good. It wasn’t necessarily bad, either; it was mostly inexplicable, with the potential for things to be very bad: his liver numbers had rocketed through the roof, and they had no explanation why: as I was told, it could be entirely benign and the result of his not eating and being irritated post-surgery, or it could be cancer that they’d never noticed before. Either was a possibility, equally likely, as were all manner of things in between: gallstones, post-surgery infection, a testing error…

New plans were drawn up, for a new appointment later this week. I was advised that it could get expensive (again!) and that there may need to be end of life conversations. I immediately felt guilt, as if my saying that I could let go of my worry was the cause of it all.

This Year’s Migration

I’m back to thinking about Career Goals, for some reason. (There is a reason, but it’s not a particularly exciting one; I had a meeting at work that got me thinking about such matters, a thought process both compounded and extended by reading a particularly well-written story at an outlet I’d once wanted to write for, reminding me of that aspiration for the first time in some years.) These days, for the most part, I find myself buried in the day-to-day of it all, giving little thought for the most part about the bigger things. There’ll be time for that later, I think to myself, although that’s not really the case.

And yet, here I am. I’m a remarkably lucky person, when I think of my career to date, and how I’ve managed to survive as a writer for the past nearly two decades at this point. I think it’s… 17 years now that I’ve just been a writer, as opposed to moonlighting from another job? Something like that; maybe 16. I’ve written for all kinds of places, some far better than I deserve, and I currently have an actual staff position doing what I love to do. That’s rare, and very much appreciated on a daily basis.

That doesn’t mean there aren’t still some goals remaining, because there are: outlets I’d still like my name to appear as a byline, or stories that I’d very much want to write once I can make sense of the best way to do that. Of course I have those; if I didn’t, I’m not sure I’d keep going with the excitement and hunger that I somehow still have. Better yet, my current position gives me new goals when and where I least expect them, and challenges me to come up with things that I’d never thought of on my own. As tiring as it can be, it’s also a trip, in the best way.

I was thinking to myself yesterday, about how lucky I am to be able to write for a living, and then my thoughts turned to that phrase itself: that I write for a living in the sense of, “it’s what pays my bills and pays my rent, so that I can stay alive,” but also in that other sense, at the same time: that I write to make sense of the world, to find a space and way to live and navigate everything that comes my way.

My career goal is one that I’ve already achieved, ultimately: to make a career out of the thing I not only know how to do, but can’t not do. I write.