For someone who loves love as much as I do — as much as I, ironically, hates the “Oh, I love love!” declaration that seems to have become popular in pop culture in recent years; I am a walking contradiction — I’m struggling to think of a Valentine’s Day that’s ever felt particularly special to me in all of my years.
That’s not to say that I haven’t tried throughout the years, or that I’ve not had nice Valentine’s Day or even good ones; I’m not claiming that I’ve never had a good date on one, or anything like that. (I’m lucky enough to have had many, in all my years, something that I think would have surprised the teenage me who always felt a little abandoned and alone on the day itself, getting no cards and feeling unloved by the world at large. Oh, to be able to go back in time and tell him that wouldn’t always be the case…!) It’s just that they’ve been just that, nice and good, and never these big romantic overwhelming events that pop culture stores show on the regular basis that overwhelm and redefine our lives.
For a long time, that bothered me. Well, perhaps bothered is putting it far too strongly, but it left me wanting and feeling as if I was missing out: What was I missing, what was I doing wrong, that Valentine’s Day would come and go and there would be a good date but no massive emotional revelation? Never mind the fact that I couldn’t actually imagine what that would look like — something that, all things being equal, should have made me think, oh, am I falling for a sales pitch for something that doesn’t really exist — I felt as if I was missing out on something that would make me supernaturally happy and fulfilled emotionally like in all the movies, and throughout my teens and my 20s, I’d end the day just that little bit let down.
I can’t remember at what point I realized that the nice and the good was the point, that those were the Valentine’s Days (and dates) that I’d remember and were meaningful, but I do remember talking to Chloe at one point early in our relationship when we couldn’t get a reservation at a specific restaurant on February 14th and her gently suggesting that I was still putting too much effort into a random day and date when any other day would be just as good to show and celebrate love. And probably with more success with restaurant reservations. Old habits die hard, no matter what we tell ourselves.
Still, good luck tomorrow to everyone, anyway.