Author: Graeme McMillan

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Float Like A Big One, Sting Like a Miniature

I’ve talked before about how utterly arbitrary my annual playlists are — it’s music that I’ve discovered this year and become obsessed with for some period of time, except when it’s music that I’ve known for awhile and become obsessed with all over again, except with it’s neither of those things and just something that I wanted to add to the playlist — and, with this latest batch of 50 songs (another arbitrary thing! Why do I share the lists here in batches of 50? I have no idea; I did it once and it stuck), I broke another of my self-imposed rules for reasons that basically boil down to remembering that it doesn’t have to be that dish: namely, I added a second song by the same artist to the same list. In my defense, “WHERE IS MY HUSBAND!” by Raye is a great song, and I apologize for nothing.

Anyway, here’s the latest update from my 2025 playlist. (The playlist itself is here, and the previous three installments of the list on this site are here, here, and here.) May you find something new on here that you love, too.

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It Makes Me Feel So

It’s taken me a few weeks — in my defense, I’ve had both the death of a pet and being consistently overwhelmed by work, to the point where it felt as if I was only able to stay at my desk for roughly 90% of the time I was awake for days on end — but I am finally at that point of the year when I’ve remembered that fall and winter are my favorite times of the year. I’m hedging my bets by naming two seasons, but what I really mean is, the stretch between October and December.

What underscored the realization for me was walking home from the movie theater the other night. It’s a point now where it’s dark pretty much from 4pm onwards, making the night feel at once omnipresent and endless, and also oddly magical and unknowable. That felt especially true that night, which was one of those weird Portland nights that are both warmer than you’d expect and oddly misty, so that everything feels hazy and somehow welcoming as you wander past everyone going about their business.

It was late enough that people were flocking to the many bars I walked past (and I could hear the various types of music flooding out from the doors as they opened when I walked past: shitty techno, muddy guitars and twang, echoing jazz-pop), but also early enough that I was walking past families and couples as they left all the various restaurants after their meals, huddling together and laughing, talking, conspiratorially. Maybe it was the darkness or the supposed-cold-of-it-all but it all felt like end-of-the-year behavior, as opposed to people walking through the streets in summer where they take up more space and interact with everything around them more. This time of year is for people to hunker down and lean in, appearing and disappearing from the fog and suddenly illuminated by passing cars as they walk before vanishing.

All of this was soundtracked by the crunching of leaves underfoot, and surrounded by the orange glow of living rooms in houses as I walked past. I was reminded of how much I love to walk around neighborhoods during the holidays and see the colors of Christmas Lights everywhere. How the lives of everyone in those houses feels like it bleeds outside during this time of year, and what should be this dark, lonely, cold thing becomes so much warmer than it should.

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The Mornings After

It’s not just the night itself, when we had to decide to put Piggles to sleep. That was hard enough, even thought we knew it was both the kindest option considering the circumstance and what felt like the inevitability of it all. She was, after all, 18 years old — officially very old for a cat — and we’d been noticing that she’d been breathing heavier in recent weeks, but not to the point where it felt like it was a pressing issue until it so very, very much was.

(We’d made the decision and felt the paralyzing mix of regret and grief and sadness and uncertainty over have we done the right thing, is this the right thing to do? and then, soon after, were told that she couldn’t even be brought out of the oxygen tent to be intubated easily; knowing that felt like a strangely horrifying gift: if she was suddenly having such trouble breathing, we were definitely being kinder, saying goodbye that night.)

Nonetheless, we’d been — or I’d been, at least, all I can say for certain — unrealistically optimistic that she had longer left, that she was breathing heavier because of the weather or maybe it was arthritis because she was so old or any number of things that would allow us to pretend that, sure, she wasn’t a spring chicken anymore but she still had a lot of time left with us. She was Piggles, after all; she was, until the end, this tiny little cat with an oversized presence who was at once affectionate and demanding and ever-present. Life without her seemed unthinkable.

And that’s what I mean, when I say it’s not just the night of saying goodbye to her, and hoping that somehow she could tell through our head-scratches and cuddles that we loved her so fucking much. It’s been the afterwards of it all: her not being there when I expect her to be, the absence of her on the couch, or yelling at me when I’m in the kitchen, or running towards me when I get up in the morning because she wants to say hello and get breakfast. (Feeding her was the first thing I did when I got up every day, and the last thing I did before bed each night.) It’s her not being around when she was always around.

Even now, it feels like she’s around. Just not in all the ways I wish she was.

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The Problems With A Schedule

November is the start of the year breaking down, in the best ways possible. Sure, there are drawbacks to this time of year — think about how cold it is at all times seemingly, how sluggish it can feel to get up when everything is so dark first thing in the morning, or that nagging feeling in the back of your head that there’s only so much time left before the holidays and/or the end of the year and you’ve got shit you need to do — but at its best, November is when things start to slip and fall apart and the structure of the year begins to unravel just enough to let us breathe a little easier.

Occasionally, I admit, I get exhausted by the fact everything just keeps going: the work week is what it is, and then the weekend happens and that’s just enough time to catch up on everything and prepare for… the work week again. More than once, I’ve told people on Sunday night that I’m lowkey mad that I’ve finally got my head straight after the last week only to have to face up to doing it all over again the very next day; there’s a Sisyphian feel to the whole thing for 10 months out of the year… and then November arrives.

Part of it is because the holidays are around the corner, and that means that we get some time off for Thanksgiving here in the US, and then the Christmas and New Year breaks (or, if you’re me, one long extended break between the two) come along and it’s a glorious chance to step off the roundabout for a period. It’s a chance to decompress a little before the whole thing starts again in the New Year.

For the past couple years, however, I’ve had an additional boost to the system collapsing just a little bit: I’ve been so bad at taking PTO at work that, somewhere around the middle of October, someone has to take me to one side and politely remind me that I need to take a lot of time off in the next two months or else I’ll lose the hours I’ve accrued… and so, this year like last year, I get two solid months of three-day-weekends at the shortest. It feels decadent and indulgent and something I feel no small amount of guilt over, but I can’t deny that it also helps me relax and feel human in a way that I truly appreciate.

Sure, I could always use my PTO during the rest of the year so that I don’t feel so stressed and oppressed in the first place, but if I did that, I wouldn’t have any ability to take so much time off as the year ends and everything gently, wonderfully, unravels and gets slower and easier.

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The Movies of October 2025

Here’s to watching movies on planes, which is where no less than five of my October watches come from — and Sorry, Baby, at least, was the kind of thing that makes me thrilled to have been trapped in a flying metal tube, given that I wouldn’t have likely watched it for any other reason but I utterly loved it. Elsewhere, let’s enjoy the abandonment of the traditional horror focus for the month and the return of two camp favorites to finish October off: Phantom of the Paradise and Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. Sometimes, you can’t beat the classics.

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The Comics of October 2025

If you’d asked me at the start of October what this list would have looked like, I would have guessed it would have been short: New York Comic Con was looming, after all, and if there’s one thing I know about my time at comic conventions now, it’s that they leave little time to read comics — and that was a quarter of my entire month!

And then I started reading all of the Batman 1999 storyline No Man’s Land — a story so big it spans no less than six collected editions, and a full year’s worth of the Batman line with four to seven new installments per month. (Why did I start reading it? I have no idea; I don’t remember what made it seem like a good idea at the time.) I finished it on the last day of October, and it represented a chunk of my reading, and made this list a long one. Thanks, pre-millennial tension.

(Also heavily featured: early comics from Milestone Media, because I picked up the Milestone Compendium Vol. 1 brick of a book as a birthday gift to myself; I liked it so much, I just ordered the next three volumes, so don’t be surprised if Milestone books keep popping up for the next few months…)

  1. Uncanny X-Men Annual (2019) #1
  2. X-Men Forever (2009) #10
  3. Guardians of the Galaxy (2020) #12
  4. Iron Man (1998) #4
  5. Superior Iron Man #1
  6. Birds of Prey (2023) #20
  7. Far Sector #1
  8. Absolute Evil #1
  9. New History of the DC Universe #4
  10. Justice League Unlimited (2024) #12
  11. The Flash (2023) #26
  12. Superman (2023) #31
  13. Birds of Prey (2023) #s 21-26
  14. Green Lantern (2023) #s 17-18
  15. The Worst (Molly Mendoza minicomic)
  16. Minötaar (Lissa Trissman minicomic)
  17. Green Lantern: Fractured Spectrum Special #1
  18. Green Lantern (2023) #s 19-22
  19. Green Lantern Corps (2025) #1
  20. X-Men: Age of Revelation Overture #1
  21. 2000 AD Prog 2454
  22. Judge Dredd Megazine #485
  23. Judge Death 2025 Mega-Special
  24. G.I. Joe (1982) #20
  25. Batman (1940) #672
  26. Green Lantern (2023) #s 23-24
  27. Green Lantern Corps (2025) #s 2-3
  28. Guardians of the Galaxy (2020) #13
  29. Iron Man (1968) #39
  30. Guardians of the Galaxy (2020) #14
  31. Absolute Superman #s 10-12
  32. Absolute Wonder Woman #s 6-8
  33. Green Lantern Corps (2025) #s 4-5
  34. Batman (1940) #673
  35. DC’s Zatannic Panic #1
  36. Die #s 8-9
  37. Blue Beetle (1967) #3
  38. X-Men Forever (2009) #11
  39. Young Avengers (2013) #2
  40. Guardians of the Galaxy (2020) #15
  41. Iron Man (1968) #s 40-41
  42. Blue Devil #1
  43. Green Lantern Corps (2025) #6
  44. Gotham City Sirens: Unfit for Orbit #2
  45. Catwoman (2018) #73
  46. Catwoman (2001) #1
  47. Detective Comics (1937) #719
  48. Batman: Shadow of the Bat #73
  49. Nightwing (1996) #19
  50. Batman (1940) #553
  51. Azrael #40
  52. Detective Comics (1937) #720
  53. X-Men Forever (2009) #s 12-14
  54. Aquaman (2025) #s 3-10
  55. Green Lantern (2023) #25
  56. Green Lantern Corps (2025) #7
  57. Absolute Wonder Woman #9
  58. Blue Devil #2
  59. X-Men Gold (2017) #s 1-2
  60. Catwoman (1993) #56
  61. Robin (1993) #52
  62. Batman: Blackgate – Isle of Men #1
  63. Batman: Shadow of the Bat # 74
  64. The Batman Chronicles #12
  65. Die #10
  66. Green Lantern (2023) #s 26-28
  67. Green Lantern Corps (2025) #s 8-9
  68. Mr. Terrific: Year One #5
  69. Nightwing (1996) #20
  70. Batman (1940) #554
  71. Batman: Huntress/Spoiler – Blunt Trauma #1
  72. Detective Comics (1937) #721
  73. Catwoman (1993) #57
  74. Batman: Arkham Asylum – Tales of Madness #1
  75. Robin (1993) #53
  76. Batman: Shadow of the Bat # 75
  77. Absolute Wonder Woman #s 10-11
  78. Fire & Ice: When Hell Freezes Over #s 1-3
  79. DC vs. Vampires: World War V #s 8-12
  80. Let Them Live! Unpublished Tales from the DC Vault #5
  81. Batman (1940) #555
  82. Detective Comics (1937) #722
  83. Batman: Shadow of the Bat # 76
  84. Robin (1993) #54
  85. Fire & Ice: When Hell Freezes Over #4
  86. DC K.O. #1
  87. Fire & Ice: When Hell Freezes Over #s 5-6
  88. X-Men Gold (2017) #3
  89. X-Men Forever (2009) #s 15-17
  90. Batman (1940) #s 674-676
  91. 2000 AD Prog 2455
  92. X-Men Gold (2017) #s 4-6
  93. It’s Jeff! Halloween Infinity Comic #1
  94. X-Men Forever (2009) #s 18-21
  95. One World Under Doom #8
  96. X-Men: Hellfire Vigil #1
  97. The Amazing Spider-Man: Torn #1
  98. The Amazing Spider-Man (2025) #14
  99. Captain America (2025) #4
  100. The Power Fantasy #12
  101. World of Revelation #1
  102. Amazing X-Men (2025) #1
  103. Unbreakable X-Men #1
  104. Imperial War: Exiles #1
  105. Imperial War: Imperial Guardians #1
  106. Iron & Frost #1
  107. Marvel Knights: Punisher (2025) #1
  108. X-Men Forever (2009) #s 22-23
  109. X-Men Forever Annual #1
  110. X-Men Forever Digital Preview #1
  111. X-Men Forever (2009) #24
  112. Avengers (2023) #s 29-30
  113. Timeless (2021) #1
  114. Timeless (2022) #1
  115. Avengers (2023) #31
  116. Godzilla Destroys the Marvel Universe #s 1-4
  117. Batman (1940) #s 556-558
  118. Batman: Shadow of the Bat #s 77-79
  119. Detective Comics (1935) #724
  120. X-Men Forever Giant-Size #1
  121. X-Men Forever 2 #s 1-2
  122. Tony Stark: Iron Man #1
  123. X-Men: Gold (2017) #s 7-8
  124. Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #1
  125. X-Men Legends #3
  126. X-Men: Gold (2017) #s 8-9
  127. Astonishing X-Men (2017) #s 1-3
  128. Batman (1940) #559
  129. Detective Comics (1935) #s 725-726
  130. Azrael: Agent of the Bat #s 47-48
  131. The Batman Chronicles #15
  132. Batman (1940) #s 560-561
  133. X-Factor (1986) #97
  134. Marvel Comics Presents #48
  135. The Mighty Thor (1966) #402
  136. Astonishing X-Men (2017) #s 4-6
  137. Detective Comics (1935) #s 727-729
  138. Batman: Shadow of the Bat #s 80-82
  139. Batman (1940) #562
  140. Azrael: Agent of the Bat #s 49-50
  141. X-Men: Gold (2017) #s 10-11
  142. X-Men Forever 2 #3
  143. Tony Stark: Iron Man #2
  144. Phoenix Resurrection: The Return of Jean Grey #1
  145. Cable (2017) #1
  146. DC WIP: Absolute Batman #1
  147. Absolute Flash #1
  148. Batman: No Man’s Land #1
  149. DC Universe Online Legends #s 1-3
  150. X-Men: Gold (2017) #s 12-13
  151. Absolute Flash #s 2-4
  152. Batman & Robin: Year One #12
  153. DC K.O. Knightfight #1
  154. Cheetah and Cheshire Rob the Justice League #4
  155. Batman (2025) #3
  156. Absolute Green Lantern #8
  157. Harley and Ivy: Life and Crimes #1
  158. Batman: Shadow of the Bat #83
  159. Batman (1940) #563
  160. Detective Comics (1935) #730
  161. Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow #1
  162. 2000 AD Prog 2456
  163. Azrael: Agent of the Bat #51
  164. Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight (1989) #116
  165. Batman: Shadow of the Bat #84
  166. Batman (1940) #564
  167. Detective Comics (1935) #731
  168. X-Men: Gold (2017) #s 14-16
  169. It’s Jeff! Halloween Infinity Comic #2
  170. X-Men Forever 2 #4
  171. New History of the DC Universe #4
  172. Azrael: Agent of the Bat #52
  173. Milestone 30th Anniversary Special #1
  174. Static Shock Special (2011) #1
  175. Absolute Batman Annual #1
  176. Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight (1989) #117
  177. Batman: Shadow of the Bat #85
  178. Batman (1940) #565
  179. Detective Comics (1935) #732
  180. The Batman Chronicles #16
  181. X-Men: Gold (2017) #s 17-20
  182. Absolute Flash #5
  183. X-Men: Gold (2017) #s 21-22
  184. X-Men: Gold Annual #1
  185. Blue Beetle (1967) #4
  186. Hardware (1993) #1
  187. Howard the Duck (2015) #1
  188. Die #11
  189. The Incredible Hulk (2023) #s 28-30
  190. Storm (2024) #10
  191. Azrael: Agent of the Bat #53
  192. Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight (1989) #118
  193. Batman: Shadow of the Bat #86
  194. Batman (1940) #566
  195. Detective Comics (1935) #733
  196. Azrael: Agent of the Bat #s 54-55
  197. Blue Beetle (1967) #5
  198. X-Men: Gold (2017) #s 23-25
  199. Hardware (1993) #2
  200. Ultimate Spider-Man: Incursion #5
  201. Miles Morales: Spider-Man (2022) #39
  202. Hardware (1993) #s 3-4
  203. Ultimate Spider-Man (2024) #22
  204. The Ultimates (2024) #17
  205. Fantastic Four (2025) #4
  206. Marvel Zombies Red Band #2
  207. Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight (1989) #119
  208. Batman: Shadow of the Bat #87
  209. Batman (1940) #567
  210. Detective Comics (1935) #734
  211. Young Justice: No Man’s Land #1
  212. Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight (1989) #120
  213. Robin (1993) #67
  214. Azrael: Agent of the Bat #s 56-57
  215. Blood Syndicate (1993) #1
  216. The Batman Chronicles #17
  217. Nightwing (1996) #s 35-37
  218. Batman: Shadow of the Bat #88
  219. Batman (1940) #568
  220. Detective Comics (1935) #735
  221. Catwoman (1993) #s 72-74
  222. Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight (1989) #121
  223. Batman: Shadow of the Bat #89
  224. Batman (1940) #569
  225. X-Men: Gold (2017) #26
  226. Marvel Knights: The World to Come #s 1-3
  227. Ultimate Spider-Man: Incursion #1
  228. Guardians of the Galaxy (2020) #16
  229. SWORD (2021) #7
  230. Guardians of the Galaxy (2020) #17
  231. Cable: Reloaded #1
  232. The Last Annihilation: Wiccan and Hulkling #1
  233. Blood Syndicate (1993) #2
  234. The Last Annihilation: Wakanda #1
  235. Guardians of the Galaxy (2020) #18
  236. SWORD (2021) #s 8-9
  237. DC Comics Presents (1978) #s 77-78
  238. Detective Comics (1935) #736
  239. Robin (1993) #s 68-70
  240. Azrael: Agent of the Bat #58
  241. Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight (1989) #122
  242. Batman: Shadow of the Bat #90
  243. Blood Syndicate (1993) #3
  244. 2000 AD Prog 2457
  245. Absolute Wonder Woman #12
  246. SWORD (2021) #s 10-11
  247. Phoenix Resurrection: The Return of Jean Grey #s 2-3
  248. Supergirl Special (2023) #1
  249. Action Comics (1938) #s 1070-1081 (Supergirl stories only)
  250. Absolute Flash #6
  251. Batman (1940) #570
  252. Detective Comics (1935) #737
  253. Phoenix Resurrection: The Return of Jean Grey #s 4-5
  254. X-Men Red Annual #1
  255. X-Men Red (2018) #1
  256. Blood Syndicate (1993) #4
  257. Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight (1989) #123
  258. Batman: Shadow of the Bat #91
  259. Batman (1940) #571
  260. Detective Comics (1935) #738
  261. Legion of Super-Heroes (1989) #s 1-2
  262. Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight (1989) #124
  263. Batman: Shadow of the Bat #92
  264. Batman: No Man’s Land Secret Files and Origins #1
  265. Robin (1993) #s 71-72
  266. The Batman Chronicles #18
  267. Batman (1940) #572
  268. Legion of Super-Heroes (1989) #s 3-4
  269. Adventures of Superman (1987) #s 476-478
  270. 2000 AD Annual 2026
  271. Icon (1993) #1
  272. Judge Dredd: Tunnels
  273. Icon (1993) #s 2-3
  274. Static (1993) #1
  275. Legion of Super-Heroes (1989) #s 5-6
  276. Battleworld (2025) #2
  277. Death of the Silver Surfer #5
  278. Imperial (2025) #4
  279. The Mortal Thor #3
  280. Static (1993) #2
  281. Legion of Super-Heroes (1989) #7
  282. Imperial (2025) #s 1-3
  283. Static (1993) #3
  284. Detective Comics (1935) #739
  285. Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight (1989) #125
  286. Azrael: Agent of the Bat #59
  287. Batman: Shadow of the Bat #93
  288. Nightwing (1996) #s 38-39
  289. Batman: No Man’s Land #0
  290. It’s Jeff! Halloween Special #3
  291. X-Men: Red (2018) #2
  292. Static (1993) #4
  293. Xombi (1994) #1
  294. Batman (1940) #573
  295. Detective Comics (1935) #740
  296. Azrael: Agent of the Bat #s 60-61
  297. Catwoman (1993) #s 76-77
  298. Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight (1989) #126
  299. Batman/Deadpool #1
  300. Batman/Superman: World’s Finest #45
  301. Mr. Terrific: Year One #6
  302. Legion of Super-Heroes (1989) #8
  303. Static Shock (2011) #1
  304. Justice League of America (2006) #s 28-31 
  305. Xombi (2011) #1
  306. The Brave and the Bold (2007) #s 24-25
  307. Batman (1940) #574
  308. Detective Comics (1935) #741
  309. Robin (1993) #73
  310. Batman: Shadow of the Bat #94
  311. The Brave and the Bold (2007) #26
  312. Batman: Gotham Knights (2000) #1
  313. Catwoman (1993) #78
  314. It’s Jeff! Halloween Special #4
  315. Xombi (1994) #2
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Listen to the Band

One of the things my therapist talked about early on in our sessions — and something that I didn’t quite get for awhile — was how things felt. I thought she was talking about emotions, because this was therapy and surely that’s what you talk about in therapy, but no; she was talking about how things felt physically. She’d ask me how my body felt after particularly stressful or emotional moments, and I’d offer some variation on, I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention, and she’d come back with her own variation on, well, can you start because that would really be helpful, thank you.

All of this is prelude to telling you that I can tell when I’m stressed these days because my lower back aches.

I think this is one of those things that I’ve actually known before I knew it, if that makes sense; I’d noticed over the past couple years that the first day of any given convention will end with me in the hotel room feeling a sudden pain in my lower back that temporarily makes me think, oh fuck, it’s finally happened, I’ve thrown my back out until it subsides and I blame it on walking around all day with my laptop in a bag. (This, for some reason, always seems to happen when I’m standing up after writing for awhile, hunched over the computer, and suddenly realize I’m hungry and should do something about that.) The laptop isn’t to blame; my age isn’t, really, either. It’s that I’m inevitably more stressed than I’d admit at the time.

I’ve come to notice the warning signs, and realize the lower back is one of two places I hold all my stress. (My left shoulder is the other; why the left and not the right? Would that I had an answer.) It’s like realizing that when I feel sad, I can feel it in the back of my neck and as a headache before the emotion makes its way to the bit of my brain that can name things. Or noticing that I feel happiness in the back of my head first. (Nope, I can’t explain that; don’t ask me to.)

Other people’s bodies, according to pop songs, are wonderlands. Much to the doubtless satisfaction of my therapist, I’ve finally realized that mine is just early warning signs.