Author: Graeme McMillan

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Can You Take Me Back Where You Came From, Can You Take Me Back?

Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t really use my Apple Notes app for anything other than random thoughts that aren’t particularly important but feel like passing fancies in the moment that I might want to remember. I’ve got multiple notes for everything from my room number when I check into hotels — I’m always worried I’ll forget, but I never have; I also rarely remember to delete said notes until months after whatever trip I was one — to contact details for work people that I’ve never actually used. (I still have people’s numbers on there from when I went to the UK two years ago, in case I couldn’t check into my hotel or get my show pass afterwards.) It’s not the home for anything that would be considered especially necessary.

Amongst those unnecessary things: random sentences that are either observations, or prompts for things that I might one day want to write about here. I started doing it on a trip earlier this year, because something was looping around in my head and I thought, I’ll just put it here and it can get out and I can get on with work and then moved on with my life. (I did, in fact, write it up for here later that night.) The thing is, in many (most) cases, I end up writing things that I don’t remember the context for later, or that aren’t as interesting as I first think when I return to them. For example, currently in notes and pulled at random:

“Everyone wears black”

“The archaeology of my digestive system”

“Sense memory: eating donuts with a fork in the Bee’s Knees”

“Technology changing the shape of the minds eye, landscape of feature films becoming vertical of phones”

The one about the changing shape of the mind’s eye, there’s still something in that, to be unpicked and considered, I feel… But for now, let’s pretend we all know what these meant at the time, and that I wrote about them appropriately. The notes can stand as some nod to unfinished thoughts, like a Beatles Anthology for something far less important.

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The Worst Holiday Tradition of All

“It’s normally around this time of year you get sick. I’m surprised it hasn’t happened yet already.”

As much as I wanted to disagree with the observation, I had to agree that I was actually feeling a little bit under the weather. It was a realization I had probably subconsciously made a couple of days earlier, but searched for multiple get out clauses from. I’d been feeling not-quite-right for a few days, but tried to explain it away with any number of potential explanations that didn’t really hold any water: I’d slept poorly the night before or I’d been paying too much attention to one particular thing at work and couldn’t quite concentrate on anything else as a result or whatever. I knew the truth, but I simply didn’t want to actually admit that’s what was actually happening.

I was denying it in part because, bluntly, I do always tend to get sick at this time of the year and I’m bored with that tradition. It’s not that I get sick sick as much as I get very run down because work always gets crazy in December — it’s the most wonderful time of the year to try and get everything off your plate before the holidays, after all — and the weather here in Portland likes to yo-yo in terms of temperature and wetness, which creates the perfect conditions for a headcold, at least in my case. It’s something that I can try to avoid, but it catches up with me nonetheless. Take this year, for example.

Denying it, however, doesn’t do any good; I just end up feeling worse, because I don’t do anything to feel better and so I just exhaust myself further. That’s what happened this year, until I had to finally ‘fess up to myself and admit that, all things considered, I needed to just lie on the couch for awhile and watch some shitty television and try to switch my brain off. Which, in my defense, is what I try to do with my time off anyway. It’s just that, this time, I can pretend that I’m doing it for medicinal purposes. Perhaps there’s one good thing about getting sick, after all.

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The French Have A Name For It, Of Course

I was talking to someone the other day about suicidal ideation, as you do. Well, not suicidal ideation, per se; we were actually talking about the impulse to throw yourself off a very tall building or some other impressive height and the way it just seemingly happens, at random, without warning. I made some half-joke along the lines of, I don’t really get that because I don’t want to kill myself, and was told in a two-part statement that was at once entirely correct and impressively incorrect that (a) the urge to throw yourself into the air from a great height isn’t really an attempt to kill yourself, actually, and also (b) everyone wants to throw themselves off a tall building, anyway.

The first part of that is very true; it’s called — somewhat darkly — “the call of the void,” and it’s apparently a very common variation on the fight-or-flight response to the inherent danger of being in a position where you might fall to your doom: why not just take matters into your own hands, instead? (The “call of the void” name apparently derives from the original French term, which of course sounds much better: “L’appel du vide.” Who doesn’t want to have some l’appel du vide, when you put it like that?)

It’s the second part that I had the problem with, because I’m someone who still feels nervous walking the (impressively fenced) bridge over the highway on the walk home from one of our local movie theaters, despite the fact that I do it multiple times a year for, essentially, the entire decade-plus that I’ve lived in the city. I certainly have no desire to throw myself off a tall building, and everything being equal, I don’t even feel comfortable being in any location where that could conceivably be an option, anyway.

I’m explaining all of the above when my brain suddenly remembers, no, that’s not entirely true: there was that one time earlier this year. I was standing on the top floor of the Seattle Convention Center, right at the edge of the floor in front of a floor-to-ceiling window and watching the traffic move past five or so stories below and I did actually feel that unavoidable but what if I jumped moment. At the time, I was deeply uncomfortable and moved away from the window immediately, making a joke in my head about I know the year has been shitty so far, but come on now or the like, but it stayed with me for a couple of days afterwards, that sense of “why did I feel that?” before I looked into it and found out about the call of the void.

That said, part of me almost wishes I had tried it, mostly because what would have happened wouldn’t have been me falling to my death, but instead me faceplanting against some very thick glass before coming to my senses and moving on far faster, all things considered.

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The Movies of November 2025

November 2025 was, ultimately, the month in which I realize I appreciated Richard Linklater’s more mannered, albeit exceptionally playful and fast-paced Nouvelle Vague than the movie it’s about, Jean-Luc Godard’s Breathless. (Breathless suffers from the Beatles effect for me; I’m so familiar with the things it’s been ripped off for that the movie itself seems lesser as a result.) That said, I loved the Linklater movie, somewhat surprisingly; I generally don’t appreciate his work, but this one sang to me. Movie of the month for me, a title shared with the Demi Adejuyigbe comedy special.

Less successful: After the Hunt, which was genuinely insufferable, as was Kill Your Friends, a movie whose downfall was the very reason I watched it out of curiosity in the first place: “Someone made an American Psycho about Britpop set in the 1990s? That’ll be fun,” I thought, but I was wrong; it was, instead, American Psycho about Britpop set in the 1990s, in all the bad ways.

Anyway: here’s what I watched in November 2025.

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The Comics of November 2025

In the end, two particular things dominated by comic reading in November: me continuing to work through the collected works of Milestone Media — literally; the most recent three volumes of Milestone Compendium were delivered in a package weighing 16.5 pounds midway through the month — and, for reasons I genuinely couldn’t explain beyond “I’m really enjoying the re-read,” Larry Hama’s 1980s G.I. Joe, which I restarted midway through the run and have just been happily dipping into on a daily basis ever since. Call them both nostalgia, appreciation for lost craftsmanship (Milestone books were so solid), or merely good stuff, but they’ve made the last few weeks particularly enjoyable in terms of reading.

November 2025

  1. Xombi (1993) #s 3-6
  2. Avengers (1998) #s 500-503
  3. G.I. Joe (2024) #13
  4. Something is Killing the Children #s 1-5
  5. DCeased #1
  6. Justice League: The Omega Act #1
  7. Batman: Gotham Knights #2
  8. Die #10
  9. DC K.O. #2
  10. Justice League Unlimited (2024) #13
  11. The Flash (2023) #27
  12. Hardware (1993) #s 5-6
  13. Static Shock! Rebirth of the Cool #s 1-2
  14. Hardware (1993) #s 7-8
  15. Legion of Super-Heroes (1989) #s 9-10
  16. Batman: Gotham Knights #s 3-4
  17. Absolute Flash #7
  18. Catwoman (1993) #s 79-82
  19. X-Men Red (2018) #s 3-5
  20. X-Men Gold (2017) #27
  21. Tony Stark: Iron Man #3
  22. Avengers (2012) #35
  23. New Avengers (2012) #24
  24. Avengers (2012) #36
  25. Legion of Super-Heroes (1989) #11
  26. Ultimate Enemy #s 1-4
  27. Hardware (1993) #9
  28. Xombi (1994) #7
  29. The Amazing Spider-Man (2025) #15
  30. Avengers (2023) #32
  31. Xombi (1994) #8
  32. Amazing X-Men (2025) #2
  33. Alien vs. Captain America #1
  34. Longshots #s 1-2
  35. Ultimate Mystery #s 1-4
  36. Ultimate Doom #s 1-4
  37. Cataclysm #0.1
  38. Miles Morales: Spider-Man (2022) #40
  39. Planet She-Hulk #1
  40. The Mortal Thor #3
  41. Xombi (1994) #s 9-11
  42. Cataclysm: The Ultimates’ Last Stand #s 1-2
  43. DC K.O. #1
  44. Legion of Super-Heroes Annual (1990) #1
  45. Legion of Super-Heroes (1989) #12
  46. Cataclysm: The Ultimates’ Last Stand #s 3-5
  47. Survive! #1
  48. Ultimate End #s 1-5
  49. Spider-Man (2016) #240
  50. Spider-Men II #5
  51. Static (1993) #s 5-7
  52. Legion of Super-Heroes (1989) #13
  53. G.O.D.S. #1
  54. Legion of Super-Heroes (1989) #14
  55. Batman/Green Arrow/The Question: Arcadia #1
  56. 2000 AD Progs 2458-2459
  57. Blood Syndicate (1993) #s 5-7
  58. G.O.D.S. #2
  59. Legion of Super-Heroes (1989) #s 15-17
  60. Action Comics (1938) #1087-1091
  61. The Power Fantasy #13
  62. Blood Syndicate (1993) #s 8-10
  63. Superman (2023) #32
  64. Green Lantern (2023) #29
  65. Transformers (2023) #26
  66. Hardware: Season One #s 1-3
  67. Static: Season One #1
  68. Icon & Rocket: Season One #1
  69. Icon (1993) #5
  70. Legion of Super-Heroes (1989) #s 18-19
  71. Superman: The Kryptonite Spectrum #1
  72. Batman: Gotham Knights #5
  73. It’s Jeff! Halloween Special #5
  74. G.O.D.S. #s 3-4
  75. Catwoman (1993) #s 83-84
  76. Ultimate Spider-Man (2024) #1
  77. Icon (1993) #6
  78. Legion of Super-Heroes (1989) #20
  79. Batman: Gotham Knights #6
  80. Static: Season One #2
  81. Icon & Rocket: Season One #2
  82. G.O.D.S. #5
  83. Ultimate Spider-Man (2024) #2
  84. Exceptional X-Men #13
  85. Icon (1993) #s 7-8
  86. 1776 #1
  87. The Amazing Spider-Man: Torn #2
  88. Fantastic Four (2025) #5
  89. Venom (2025) #251
  90. Icon (1993) #9
  91. Static (1993) #8
  92. Legion of Super-Heroes (1989) #s 21-24
  93. Legion of Super-Heroes Annual (1990) #2
  94. G.O.D.S. #s 6-8
  95. G.O.D.S.: One World Under Doom #1
  96. Hardware (1993) #s 10-11
  97. Superman: The Man of Steel (1992) #35
  98. Cheetah and Cheshire Rob The Justice League #5
  99. Batman (2025) #4
  100. Birds of Prey (2023) #28
  101. Ultimate Spider-Man (2024) #3
  102. Xombi (1994) #0
  103. Shadow Cabinet (1994) #0
  104. Flash/Fantastic Four DC Go! Edition #1
  105. Thor/Shazam! Infinity Comic #1
  106. Legion of Super-Heroes (1989) #s 25-26
  107. Absolute Flash #8
  108. Ultimate Invasion #s 1-2
  109. Ultimate War #s 1-4
  110. Ultimate X-Men/Fantastic Four #1
  111. Ultimate Fantastic Four/X-Men #2 (the second half of the story from the book above.)
  112. Ultimatum #s 1-5
  113. Ultimate FF #1
  114. Ultimate Invasion #3
  115. Hardware (1993) #12
  116. Icon (1993) #10
  117. Ultimate Invasion #4
  118. Blood Syndicate (1993) #11
  119. The Ultimates (2024) #1
  120. Ultimate Comics New Ultimates #1
  121. Ultimate Power #s 1-2
  122. DC K.O.: Superman vs. Captain Atom #1
  123. DC K.O.: Knightfight #2
  124. Aquaman (2024) #12
  125. DC K.O.: Wonder Woman vs. Lobo #1
  126. Titans (2023) #30
  127. Batman/Superman: World’s Finest #46
  128. JSA (2024) #14
  129. Absolute Batman #15
  130. Wonder Woman (2023) #28
  131. Magik (2025) #1
  132. New Mutants (2009) #1
  133. 2000 AD Prog 2460
  134. Magik (2025) #2
  135. Ultimate Spider-Man (2024) #4
  136. Ultimate Power #3
  137. Legion of Super-Heroes (1989) #27
  138. Catwoman (1993) #85
  139. Steel (1994) #s 34-35
  140. Damage Control (1989) #1
  141. Steel (1994) #36
  142. Damage Control (1989) #2
  143. Marvel Comics Presents (1988) #19 (Damage Control story only)
  144. Batman (1940) #389
  145. G.I. Joe (2024) #14
  146. Damage Control (1989) #3
  147. Marvel Age Annual #4 (Damage Control story only)
  148. Steel (1994) #s 37-38
  149. Ultimate Spider-Man (2024) #s 5-6
  150. The Ultimates (2024) #2
  151. Blood Syndicate (1993) #12
  152. G.I. Joe (1982) #s 51-52
  153. Damage Control (1989) #4
  154. Damage Control (1989 2nd series) #s 1-4
  155. Legion of Super-Heroes (1989) #s 28-29
  156. Ultimate Spider-Man (2024) #7
  157. G.I. Joe (1982) #s 53-54
  158. Damage Control (1991) #s 1-3
  159. Legion of Super-Heroes (1989) #30
  160. G.I. Joe (1982) #55
  161. Legion of Super-Heroes Annual (1990) #3
  162. Legion of Super-Heroes (1989) #31
  163. Steel (1994) #39
  164. Ultimate Spider-Man (2024) #8
  165. Legion of Super-Heroes (1989) #32
  166. One World Under Doom #9
  167. Captain America (2025) #5
  168. Batman/Deadpool #1
  169. The Ultimates (2024) #18
  170. Ultimate Spider-Man (2024) #9
  171. Damage Control (1991) #4
  172. Ultimate Power #4
  173. X-Men Forever 2 #s 5-6
  174. World War Hulk: Aftersmash – Damage Control #s 1-3
  175. G.I. Joe (1982) #56
  176. G.I. Joe Yearbook #3
  177. G.I. Joe (1982) #57
  178. Ultimate Spider-Man (2024) #10
  179. Marvel Zombies (2005) #1
  180. Steel (1994) #s 40-41
  181. Legion of Super-Heroes (1989) #s 33-34
  182. G.I. Joe (1982) #58
  183. Static (1993) #9
  184. G.I. Joe (1982) #59
  185. Legion of Super-Heroes (1989) #s 35-36
  186. Static (1993) #s 10-11
  187. Ultimate Spider-Man (2024) #11
  188. Steel (1994) #42
  189. Ultimate Spider-Man (2024) #12
  190. Batman: Gotham Knights #7
  191. Static (1993) #s 12-13
  192. Icon (1993) #s 11-13
  193. Steel (1994) #s 43-45
  194. Icon (1993) #14
  195. The Dead Are Awake and Walking
  196. Carol Swain: Another Way Out
  197. Hardware (1993) #13
  198. Legion of Super-Heroes (1989) #38
  199. Steel (1994) #46
  200. Ultimate Spider-Man (2024) #s 13-14
  201. Deathlok (1990) #1
  202. The Ultimates (2024) #s 3-4
  203. DC K.O.: Zatanna vs. Harley Quinn #1
  204. The Flash (2023) #28
  205. Justice League Unlimited (2024) #14
  206. G.I. Joe (1982) #60
  207. Hardware (1993) #14
  208. G.I. Joe (1982) #s 61-62
  209. The Ultimates (2024) #5
  210. Batman: The Hill #1
  211. Red Hood (2016) #51
  212. G.I. Joe (1982) #50 (Back-up story only)
  213. G.I. Joe Special Missions #1
  214. The Forever People (1971) #3
  215. The Ultimates (2024) #s 6-7
  216. Ultimate Universe: One Year In #1
  217. G.I. Joe (1982) #s 63-64
  218. Ultimate Spider-Man (2024) #15
  219. G.I. Joe Special Missions #2
  220. Planetary #s 1-2
  221. Outsiders (2023) #1
  222. Detective Comics #934
  223. G.I. Joe (1982) #65
  224. Red Hood (2016) #52
  225. Red Hood: The Hill #1
  226. Outsiders (2023) #2
  227. Guardians of the Galaxy (2023) #1
  228. Ultimate Spider-Man (2024) #16
  229. G.I. Joe Special Missions #3
  230. G.I. Joe Yearbook #2
  231. Ultimate Spider-Man (2024) #s 17-19
  232. Hardware (1993) #s 15-16
  233. Blood Syndicate (1993) #s 13-15
  234. G.I. Joe (1982) #s 66-67
  235. G.I. Joe Special Missions #s 4-5
  236. Outsiders (2023) #3
  237. Batman (2016) #125
  238. Hardware (1993) #17
  239. The Infernal Hulk #1
  240. Superboy (1994) #6
  241. Icon (1993) #15
  242. Steel (1994) #6
  243. Blood Syndicate (1993) #16
  244. G.I. Joe Special Missions #s 6-7
  245. G.I. Joe (1982) #68
  246. Batman (2016) #126
  247. Worlds Collide (1994) #1
  248. Superboy (1994) #7
  249. Hardware (1993) #18
  250. Superman: The Man of Steel (1992) #36
  251. Icon (1993) #16
  252. Steel (1994) #7
  253. Blood Syndicate (1993) #17
  254. Static (1993) #14
  255. Ultimate Universe #1
  256. G.I. Joe Special Missions #s 8-9
  257. G.I. Joe (1982) #s 69-70
  258. Peter Parker, The Spectacular Spider-Man #s 128-129
  259. The Ultimates (2024) #8
  260. Shadow Cabinet (1994) #s 1-2
  261. Batman and Robin: Year One #1
  262. Batman (1940) #404
  263. The Forever People (1971)  #4
  264. Final Crisis Aftermath: Dance #1
  265. G.I. Joe (1982) #71
  266. Batman and Robin: Year One #2
  267. Batman (2016) #127
  268. Emperor Doom OGN
  269. The Aladdin Effect OGN
  270. G.I. Joe (1982) #s 72-73
  271. G.I. Joe Yearbook #4
  272. Batman (2016) #128
  273. Thundercats (2023) #1
  274. Shadow Cabinet (1994) #s 3-4
  275. Static (1993) #s 15-20
  276. Hardware (1993) #19
  277. Batman (2016) #s 129-130
  278. Batman and Robin: Year One #s 3-4
  279. G.I. Joe (1982) #s 74-76
  280. G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero – Beach Head #1
  281. G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero – Jinx #1
  282. G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero – Spirit #1
  283. G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero – Roadblock #1
  284. G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero – Duke #1
  285. Batman and Robin: Year One #5
  286. Batman (2016) #131 
  287. Icon (1993) #s 17-19
  288. G.I. Joe (2024) #15
  289. Icon (1993) #s 20-21
  290. Hardware (1993) #s 20-21
  291. Blood Syndicate (1993) #18
  292. Batman (2016) #132
  293. Batman and Robin: Year One #6
  294. Milestone 30th Anniversary Special #1
  295. G.I. Joe (1982) #s 77-78
  296. DC’s I Saw Ma Hunkel Kissing Santa Claus #1
  297. 52 #29
  298. Blood Syndicate (1993) #s 19-23
  299. Shadow Cabinet (1994) #s 5-7
  300. G.I. Joe (1982) #s 79-80
  301. Batman and Robin: Year One #7
  302. Batman (2016) #s 133-135
  303. Steel (1994) #47
  304. Legion of Super-Heroes (1989) #39
  305. Judge Dredd: The Complete Case Files Vol. 14 (Necropolis)
  306. Shadow Cabinet (1994) #s 8-10
  307. Hardware (1993) #s 22-24
  308. Kobalt #s 1-2
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13 Steps Lead Down

I realized, with the slow, dull awareness that such things come to me, that I have a particular type of sense memories that only occur with stairwells — and, specifically, walking down stairwells. I couldn’t tell you why this is, what there is about the feeling of walking down a set of stairs that locks everything about the experience away in my memory when everything else from that time period becomes faded and filled with holes; I couldn’t even tell you why it’s walking down the stairs as opposed to up that seems to be the key, but it is; perhaps walking up, I find myself too aware of other things and walking down I’m concentrating on less? Who can tell how the brain works.

And yet, I can tell you exactly how it feels to walk down the backstairs into the shared basement of my first apartment in the US; how thin and claustrophobic the stairwell was, how rotted the wooden stairs were to look at, yet how solid and sturdy they felt by comparison. I can tell you how oddly comfortable the experience was, even though it meant walking past multiple other apartments’ back doors on the way down — we lived on the top floor of the building — each one potentially about to open at any minute without warning. I could talk about the shift in light of the stairwell as I reached the parts of the building blocked from natural light by everything else all around.

Or I could share the feeling of walking down the stairwell in my high school, and how nervous I was when I first started attending the school at the top of the stairs, my teenage vertigo warning me to stay away from the railing in case I somehow fell over. Each step at first being nervous about how steep they felt, hating the enormous windows the stairwell opened out onto. (I had similar nerves walking the stairwell down from the top floor in art school, years later; there was something about the design of the central stairwell in the school that felt as if all it would take would be one trip and I’d somehow cartwheel over the railing and collapse to the floor three stories down, broken bones and blood. Schools and stairwells, apparently not a good combination for me.)

Or the stairs in the house I grew up in. Or the stairs in the hotel in Paris when I was 21 on a magical weekend trip that was tragic and heartbreaking as you can only feel when you’re 21. Or the stairs in my first house in Portland, or the stairs, or the stairs, or the stairs.

It’s nice, given how unreliable the rest of my memory is, to have something so clear in there for multiple markers and areas of my life. I’ll never understand why it’s walking down stairs, but I’ll always be grateful that they’re there.

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Secret Secret Origins

I remembered, the other day, about getting an unexpected letter from America when I was in my early 20s — 20, maybe, or perhaps 21? — and how it felt at once entirely surreal and unexpected and perfectly in tune with everything else that was happening in my life at the time.

I was finishing up my second year at art school, which had been frustrating but good for me in any number of ways I wouldn’t realize until years later; I’d become more self-sufficient after living on my own in the middle of nowhere for six months or so, and I’d started to find out who I was in terms of being a social animal as well, which is a thrilling moment for anyone of that age. Certain benchmarks were still months and years away from happening, but I finished up the year feeling like a very different person than I was when I’d started, and that was an exciting realization to have. The world felt filled with possibility.

In the midst of all of this, I’d been writing to my favorite comics of the era, because that’s what was done back in those pre-internet times. To my amazement, some of those letters had been printed and people had written to me in return, which was even more amazing. (My full address was published with each letter, because I didn’t know enough to ask them not to include it.) It felt like a connection to a world and an industry than I’d loved for years by that point, and one that had previously seemed to be separated by a magical veil that only allowed me to receive information. Now, somehow, I was sending and receiving. Again, everything felt newly possible.

One day, in the last few weeks of the school year, I got an oversized envelope that had DC Comics branding. I opened it to get a note explaining, basically, hey we saw the letters you wrote to some of those comics and we thought you might like this comic, too, give it a try and if you do like it, spread the word to your friends. There was also a black and white photocopy of an upcoming issue of Xombi, one of Milestone Media’s comics of the time.

To their credit, I did like it: it was weird and lyrical and read like the spiritual successor to Grant Morrison’s Doom Patrol of a handful of years earlier, but drawn by an outsider artist who was mad at the page. I started buying it, and would have spread the words had I any friends who’d be into that kind of thing. (I didn’t.)

What stuck with me more than the comic itself, though, was the idea of someone who published the comic seeing something I’d written and thinking I was worth the photocopying and postage to get this preview. I felt accidentally, undeservedly important and entirely humbled and terrified by the concept. But it fit with the everything is possible somehow feeling of the year I’d just had, and the blurring of lines between me as an audience and a participant in whatever I was reading. The boundaries became that little bit fuzzier.

Looking back, I wonder if I’d have ended up where I am now professionally (or even personally) without that letter signalling that someone, somewhere, had been paying attention and some domino in the back of my head falling over at the thought of, if it happened once, why couldn’t it happen again…?