A late post, today, because this morning was taken up by a surprisingly early visit to the dentist, and the strange fear/surrender to inevitability that such a trip entails. Am I the only one who goes through that? The feeling of this thing is going to happen and I don’t want it to, so I’ll pretend to ignore it even though it is dominating all my thoughts that turns into this thing is really about to happen, I can do nothing about it but give in and the weird sense of calm that results from that change?
I found myself, as the chair reclined and I was asked whether I’d want dark glasses to shield me from the light on the technician’s head — note: I should have said yes, and will know better in future — realizing that I am rarely as calm as I felt at that very moment. There was this sense of “I can’t change anything now, I have to just lie here and let fate and oral hygenists take their toll” that was surprisingly freeing; a moment of zen that I really should try and push through to the rest of my life to lessen my stress and anxiety in all other aspects of my life.
Of course, I should have realized that as soon as I left the office, I’d have to respond to a number of emails about work matters and immediately feel as if I was behind the times and somehow in trouble from some unseen, unknowable boss.
On the plus side, my teeth are clean. See?