I have to ask: is everyone else getting as many spam texts as I am pretending to be recruiters that want to talk about getting you a new job? For the past few weeks, I’m getting three or four of them a day, and they’re all pretty much the same: variations on “Hi, I’m [made-up name here], a recruiter for [made-up company here]. I’m really sorry to just text, but we have an opening that I think you’d be perfect for,” and then a description of a job that I am almost certainly not only not a good fit for, but in most cases, not even vaguely in the same line of work as. Day after day after day, they come in, and that’s been the case for awhile now.
There’s probably some kind of study to be done in the format and subject of spam messages and phishing hoxes. What does it say about where we all are now that trying to get you work is the topic that the spammers have decided is most likely to lure people in and get them to reveal information about themselves? (Nothing good, I’m sure; people are so desperate for gigs that they’d fall for this kind of thing?) What made the Nigerian Prince who wanted to share his wealth fall out of favor? It can’t just be that everyone collectively wised up and started making jokes about it — we were doing that when those messages were still coming in.
There was a point where the spam texts used to be far more vague that I was fascinated by. They’d come into your inbox with these entirely meaningless messages like, “Hey, are you still up for that thing Saturday?” and I’d immediately think, I don’t recognize this number and I am never up for anything on Saturday, who could even fall for this? before realizing that the answer was “people with active social lives, not like you, you loser.” But I loved how empty and low-effort those messages were. “Wanna get coffee?” Nope, never. If you know me, you’d know that. “I’m going hiking this weekend, can you recommend some trails?” was one of my favorites.
Now, though, it’s job offers. On the one hand, I appreciate the flattery aspect of the whole thing: Oh, this is a job you think I’d be perfect for? That’s so nice! Thank you! I also just end up worrying about the recruiting industry if these kinds of texts are in anyway representative of what it’s actually like out there, and all the recruiters are actually very apologetic people chosing entirely the wrong people for these positions and then telling them via text. Whatever happened to email? Am I just too old now?
Of course, there’s also the horrifying possibility that I’m the only person receiving these kinds of messages and they’re not spam. What if I really am ideal for all these jobs, and I’m just deleting each and every text thinking it’s fake? What kind of life am I passing up by not agreeing to be the head of an advertising and branding agency that specializes in pet food?!?