In Relief of Silence and Burden
I will not write his name. I will not speak his name. I will try not to think his name.
I saw the young man’s video, and the first thing I felt, god forgive me, was pity for this broken man child and his grotesque narcissism and his naked hatred of women, of himself.
“At a reading in Miami, a man asked something like, “Do you think all men are rapists?” I said no because I think nothing of the sort. And still, one is too many.”
The “Not All Men” thing is exhausting/frustrating/depressing/alloftheabove in large part because it is such a straw man argument than nonetheless fails to engage with itself. Of course no-one is making the argument that every single man is a rapist/killer/misogynist, because no-one truly talks in statistical absolutes like that. Nonetheless, by saying “not all men,” it suggests that there’s a threshold for it not being a problem – as if, if it’s only 10% of all men or whatever, that’s just fine.
The “And still, one is too many” cuts to the heart of that for me. At some point on Saturday, I thought to myself that the correct response to “Not all men” was “Maybe not, but more than anyone would really want and that’s the point.” But even that feels cowardly nitpicking. The correct response is probably “Just shut up and listen.”
Anyway: Read the Roxane Gay piece linked above.