Don’t Call It

I can already tell that time is of the essence for the next few weeks. It’s a dizzying, unsettling feeling. It’s also a somewhat thrilling one.

In terms of my workload, this year is easily the busiest I’ve been in years. Part of that is, thankfully, that I’m simply finding work again after two years where it seemed as if no-one was particularly interested in what I had to say. Last year, especially, was one where I had a number of opportunities and potentially exciting gigs either disappeared entirely in circumstances I still don’t understand, or were taken out of my hands due to budgets being cut or redistributed elsewhere. It was a rough year for both my ego and my bank balance, and one that I came through mostly through a mix of stubbornness and stupidity.

So far, this year feels the exact opposite, at least in terms of the number of outlets I’m currently writing for and the (exciting, surprising) opportunities I’ve been able to accept and embrace. I’m very grateful for all of it; I’m also very aware of just how much work lies ahead in the next few weeks, especially. It’s more than a little scary.

This is, as much as anything, my telling myself to pace myself and not burn out. (That is, worryingly, a possibility; I’m so busy that I’ve created a schedule of deadlines that currently stretches into July, shockingly — I check in with it occasionally in fear.) I’m trying to build in time to refresh my brain and find ways to recharge and not get burned out, just constantly working and producing, over and over. My old work patterns won’t support me in this new reality, because my workload is different enough to make different demands on me.

It’s also a notice to myself to appreciate where I am, again, and not take it for granted or be frustrated by my workload. This time last year, this seemed literally impossible; no matter how overloaded and overwhelmed I get in the next few weeks, I should remember how lucky I am that I’m here. Not everyone gets a comeback; I should be grateful for mine, no matter how tired it makes me.

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