Can I ask a quick question—why does the air suddenly have calories? Because that is the only way I understand this weight-gain bullshit. I’m doing the same things I’ve always done—not working out and eating a lot of pizza.
What? I can’t do that at this age anymore? What kind of game is this? Isn’t there enough shit already going down in my life? I need pizza as a coping mechanism, and suddenly it’s snatched from me. That is completely unfair.
I am starting to suspect that ThoughtCatalog.com is an Onion-esque parody of self-obsessed millennial memes, because there’s almost no other way that articles like the one quoted above could legitimately be seen to have reason for publication.
It’s not just that article, either; there’s also 33 Weird Thoughts Every Woman Starts Having In Her Mid 20s, 17 Books To Get You Through Your Quarter-Life Crisis, Watching People You Know Get Married When You’re 25 and Single and roughly a million others.
There’s also an astounding amount of hilariously random dating advice, from “How to Survive The Walk of Shame” and “I’m A Slut – And Proud of It” to “Science Proves The Best Dads Have Small Balls” and, maybe my favorite, “How To Date Guys With Beards.” If it is a parody site, it’s flawless in its self-obsession.